Saturday, September 8, 2007

A Typical Saturday?

Today started with a bit of lounging around. That is pretty typical for a Saturday at our house. I fed the kids their normal breakfast. And by normal, I mean the new addiction they have to cinnamon raisin bread. They have eaten it EVERY morning for the last two weeks straight. You would think this would be a fairly easy breakfast to prepare but of course, my children can't have it the same way. Jack gets as excited as a kid on Christmas morning when I mention that it is time for breakfast in the morning. He still thinks he has to tell me exactly how to make it for him every day. The order is as follows- "Mommy, I want cinnamon raisin toast with butter...and toasted". Megan on the other hand takes hers with a twist. It has to be 1 plain piece (no butter, not toasted) and 2 pieces toasted with butter and the crusts MUST be cut off. A couple times I tried to act like I forgot to cut the crust off; Not because I'm trying to get her to eat the nutritious part of the bread, but really because I'm just lazy and hate cutting the crust off. I swear you would think I just served her a plate of dog poo. She crinkles up her nose, gives me a look of distain, and says, "What is this??? I don't like crust!"

After breakfast, Megan and Jack headed off with their dad to the school where he works. The kids like hanging out there. I was able to get in a workout and went to pick up the kids for swimming lessons. As I drive up to the school, I see my husband and children riding around the school grounds in a golf cart. How cute that is, I think to myself... until I notice it is actually Megan driving the cart. She does act mature for her age, but I'm pretty sure most 6-year-olds aren't supposed to be tooling around school grounds in a motorized vehicle. I decide to go with the flow and exit my vehicle and into my daughter's. Our whole family is in squeezed into the golf cart; Megan at the wheel, Jack on my lap in the middle and my husband to my side. It was quite a surreal experience. One that wasn't lost on Megan because as she gunned the accelerator and I grabbed Jack a bit tighter, Megan turned to me and said, "Mom, I can feel your concern." (Is she really only SIX???)

After an uneventful swim lesson, we went to the family locker room to change clothes. As luck would have it, once both my children were totally naked, Jack pulls out the old "I've gotta go potty real bad!!!" card. Now, a Saturday morning swim lesson at our health club causes the family changing room to be as crowded as a shopping mall on the day after Thanksgiving. It's completely full and people are using the toilet stalls for changing purposes. I try to rationalize with my 3-year-old and tell him he's just going to have to hold it. In response, he starts to scream as if he's been holding his pee for 3 days instead of 30 minutes (he just went before his lesson!!). Ok- so the rationalizing is obviously not going to work. What is plan B? I think perhaps I should wrap Jack in a towel to cover him up and leave Megan alone in the changing area while I take Jack to the bathroom. Nope- Call me over protective but I'm just not ready to leave her alone, naked, in a room full of strangers. Desperate times, call for desperate measures. It just so happens that in our changing room, there was a shower stall...I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. Yes, the shower stall turned out to be my plan B. I steer Jack over to the drain and say "Pee directly into the drain." "Right there???" he's pointing to the drain and looking at me like I must be joking. I can see the wheels turning in his head and I'm sure he can't believe I'm going to let him do this. I know even at this moment, I'm opening a can of worms. For years to come, if he ever relieves himself somewhere that is not appropriate, he will take every opportunity to throw this in my face. I can hear him now, "Well Mom, remember that time at the health club...".

Once we got that "situation" taken care of, I had a moment of relief until I heard my daughter's voice behind me, "Mommy, I need to go real bad, too!". Oh man, ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Once we made it back home, more lounging was in order. Jack nestled in to the chair next to me and watched some TV while I did some work on my laptop. Every commercial break, Jack kept telling me what he wanted (spiderman toys etc.) or what I needed (100 piece cake decorating set). I half tuned him out and just responded with the standard "uh huh" or "hmmm" or "what" when he would say, "Mom...Mommy...Momma..." That is until I heard him say this..."Mom, do you have a vagina?". I immediately snapped to attention and set my laptop to the side. Where did this come from??? Two minutes ago we were talking (okay, he was doing the talking but whatever)about how we had to get Yogo's fruit snacks the next time we went to the grocery store. "Yes, I do have a vagina." I responded with half of me hoping he would leave it at that while the other half of me was going to take this seriously and turn it into a teaching moment if that was what was required. "Does Megan have a vagina?" was the next question followed up with "Do all girls have vaginas?". To both of these I answered affirmatively. I thought we were done with the conversation at that point but after a few moments he said, "Well, I asked Trisha [a little girl from preschool]yesterday, if she had a vagina and she said no." Hmmm, not sure how to respond to that one so I just left him with this profound thought... "Oh."

When Jay came home, I relayed the "Vagina Monologue" discussion to him. I mentioned I hoped Trisha didn't go home and tell her parents some little boy at daycare was asking about her vagina. To which he responded most lovingly, "Well, that's 100% your fault. You call it that. I'd be just as happy calling it 'thingy' or 'privates' until they were in high school."

Sigh... just another typical Saturday :)

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