Monday, July 21, 2008

Things I know for certain: Jack can't swim, yet

I spent the last few days in vacation-seclusion...and I must say, I can't wait to go back next year- for an ENTIRE week! I usually take a so-called vacation but it typically ends up with me getting caught up on email, religiously looking at my Blackberry, and still not being able to resist the urge to get online during my vacation- I mean, there's a whole world going on out there people!

But this time was different. I consciously did not take my laptop and I told Jay, "Seriously, I mean it. This time I'm not going to work- at all." To which he responded, "Yeah, right." When I told my in-laws that I didn't bother to bring my laptop this time, their jaws dropped. My father-in-law looked at me incredulously and said, "I don't think in the all the time I've known you that you haven't had to do some work on vacation."

But yeah, that's me...I'm a rebel like that. I threw caution to the wind and left my laptop closed and laying on my desk. The environment certainly made things easier. There was no wireless in our condo and it turns out the cell phone coverage was pretty sketchy, too. I found that out when I received a voicemail for a "work emergency" and it was like a comedy of errors trying to get the phone to work. I stood in an open parking lot trying to get the best signal possible, roasting on the black top, sweating my butt off. The phone kept disconnecting and like the Type A person that I am, I just had to get my sentence out.

"Yes, our product does that by allowing you to crop, rotate and re-size the images as well as adjusting the...hello? Are you there?" Crap!

...Me dialing back the number...

"Hey, not sure where you heard me leave off but the product allows you to adjust the color, bright...hello? Hello?" CRAP!!!

...Me dialing back the number, again...

"Hi, me again- you can adjust the color, brightness and... hello? HELLO? HELLO?????" F*&@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...Me dialing back the number, again...

"Hi- adjust the brightness and contrast. Got that? Okay bye."

That little "work emergency" aside, I spent the remainder of my days relaxing and doing non-exerting things like lounging by the pool. On our first day, we wandered by the outdoor pool and when I realized it was 4 feet deep, at its deepest- I wept. Okay, not really wept but wept on the inside from joy and elation. I was going to get to R-E-L-A-X. I have waited for this day; the day when I could sit on the side of the pool and read a book while my kids swam around self-sufficient in the pool. So we did just that.

And then I realized something. Jack isn't quite 4 feet tall. So maybe I couldn't read a book but as long as he had a floatation device, I could still do my lounging.
I looked up and saw Jack laying on top of a kick board and something in me, call it mother's intuition or call it my morbid nature thought, "Hmmm. If that kick board slips out from under him, he might be in trouble."

So I watched, and I waited. And then it happened. The kick board went flying out of Jack's hands. And then I saw his arms flailing; he was struggling to keep himself above water and right before his little face was submerged, he called out, "Daddy!"

I leapt from my lounge chair, before Jay even had a chance to react. Five running steps and then I cannonballed into the pool to get Jack. I scooped him up from the water and he coughed and sputtered and he looked at me and said with such sincerity, "Thanks, Momma."

Then for the next 5 minutes, we continued to hang on to one another and we kind of danced around the pool with Jack singing, "I love Momma. Momma loves me." It really was quite sweet. Almost his ode to my awesomeness at saving his life. Okay- so saving his life might be a bit extreme, but he wouldn't have been able to hang on without my help for very long.

As we danced around the pool, a number of thoughts went through my mind. Among them:

"Wow, I really reacted without thinking and that all happened so fast."

"What would have happened if I hadn't been paying that close of attention."

"I really shouldn't have worn the two piece bathing suit today. I'm sure my cottage cheese ass looked less than appetizing while I bounded from my lounger into the pool."

"I didn't even have time to adequately suck in my stomach."

"I'm sure I didn't look anything remotely like Pamela Anderson in the opening of Baywatch."

"That guy across the pool keeps smiling at me. What is he smiling at? He must think I'm a great mom for jumping in like that."

"Maybe that guy is smiling because it was an awkward situation to see me jumping in to grab my son. I can see that. I mean, I'm the person who gets nervous laughter and laughed at my friend when she fell overboard into the rapids while we were white water rafting. The hidden photographer caught it on tape and I spent the whole ride home explaining, 'I just laugh at things like that when I get nervous. I wasn't laughing at you, I promise!'"

And then I realized why the guy was actually smiling at me. When I did my running cannonball move into the pool, in my two piece bathing suit, the force of the water as I entered caused my bathing suit top to move upwards, exposing my right breast.

So as Jack and I danced around the pool for five minutes, the man was awkwardly smiling because, uh, well, my boob was hanging out the whole time.


Becca said...

oh ha! no way!

Carolyn...Online said...

Oh my... I was so proud of you for leaving the laptop at home and then you had to go and have a wardrobe malfunciton. That is just so wrong, karmically I mean.