Saturday, August 23, 2008

It doesn't get more pathetic than this. No, I mean it.

So after I commented on a post by Carolyn...Online regarding a socially awkward situation she had recently, I thought I'd share my little example to make her feel better. It does need to be noted that things like this (not this thing exactly) happen to me all the time.

I need to give a bit of back story here. Jay and I went out to dinner recently with my sister-in-law and her husband. A couple hours before we went out to dinner, we were sitting outside enjoying what is surely the last few remaining weeks of pleasant weather in Chicago. But I started to get restless. I started noticing the hedges in front of our house were getting unruly. That started to bother me. A lot. So off I went to the garage to get the ginormous hedge clippers. It does need to be stated that yard work is not, uh... "my thing". It's Jay's "thing". So when I walked out carrying the hedge clippers, Jay shot off a warning shot, "Don't start that project unless you're gonna finish it." Duly noted, my dear husband. And so I began to clip, and clip, and clip, clip, clip. About 1/8 of the way through the "project", I started thinking, Man these hedge clippers are really heavy. But I persevered and clipped all the hedges.

After I was done, I thought, Wow- I didn't realize those clippers would give my wrists such a workout. I should have known something was askew when I tried to fix my mascara before we left. Trying to hold the mascara wand, my wrist started to shake uncontrollably from the workout with the clippers. It took two hands- one to hold the wand, the other to hold my wrist on the hand holding the wand- to make sure I didn't poke my eye out. The shaking will stop as soon as my wrist recovers, I assured myself.

So off we went for dinner. We sat, we chatted, we ordered our drinks. I ordered a beer on tap that came in a very, very heavy glass. (I think you know where I'm going with this). As the waiter set down my drink in front of me I prayed, Please Lord, let the shaking stop.

Now, it must be said that my sister-in-law and her husband are fit. They work out, they eat right. They take their vitamins. So what happened next, I'm sure appeared beyond pathetic in their eyes. Although they were very lovely about it- but of course they are family so they have to be.

Let's just say if you were walking by my table, from an outsiders point of view, it would appear as you watched me lift my glass that I a) had early onset of Parkinson's syndrome or b) that I was an alcoholic with the shakes in dire need of my first drink of the day. Every time I tried to lift my glass to take a drink, my wrist started to shake- uncontrollably. It was unbearable. At first, I tried to hide it by casually lifting my glass with both hands to take a drink but I'm sure I looked, and I certainly felt, like a 2 year old trying to take a drink of my milk.

I finally called myself out. "You guys, I know this is pathetic but I can't drink this beer. My wrist won't stop shaking!" I demonstrated my predicament to the table. My sister-in-law offered to get me a straw to drink my beer. I politely declined. Jay, in his unconditional loving way looked at me and said, "You have GOT to be kidding me."

So, in a flash of genius, I gave the rest of the beer in the heavy glass to Jay and ordered a margarita instead. Because it is perfectly acceptable to drink a margarita with a straw.

See, it doesn't get more pathetic than that.

9 comments:

Twenty-Something said...

hahaha

That happens to my wrists every-time I go on the Jet Ski at my friends cabin on a lake. And every night after when we go to the bar she points out to everyone that will listen that I'm just going through withdrawals from my last drink.

So embarrassing, I feel you on that one!

Lisa said...

oh yes it does! Thanks in advance for the idea for a blog post!

for myself said...

I'm actually having trouble typing right now because of the HUGE clippers and the now tidier shrubs. I kid you not - I worked on it for like an hour, and then went to run some quick errands. My purse felt like it was weigted with lead, and I could hardly keep my arms on the steering wheel! The hedges look damn good, but the work is way over rated. Course, I'll never tell my hubby - WAY too proud to admit how hard it really was...

Carolyn...Online said...

Ok I was foreshadowing that whole beer being accidentally tossed into the lap of the sweet sister in-law. Which would have been worse I think. But the move to the margarita/straw combo? Brilliant.

Meredith said...

You are a genius at problem solving - clearly. Margarita was a brilliant strategy. Those healthy workout people always make me feel bad.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

HILARIOUS! "it would appear as you watched me lift my glass that I a) had early onset of Parkinson's syndrome or b) that I was an alcoholic with the shakes in dire need of my first drink of the day" completely cracked me up.

Lori said...

It was hilarious. I peed reading this. I would have paid TOP- DOLLAR to see that beer go flying. Really. Even if it landed on me, because I am such a clutz for me it would not have been mortifying.

anymommy said...

Genius. Plus margaritas are yummier than beer. It's a proven fact.

amelia said...

This is awesome...and totally something I would do. Hope your wrist shaking has subsided!