Friday, August 29, 2008

My hot date


I had a date today-with Jack. He called it "our special date" and Burger King is now "our special date place." Jack was a perfect date. He was happy. He commented on how good the food was; his chicken fries were cooked to perfection. He was a great conversationalist and we had discussion on a wide array of topics.

Jack was genuinely interested to hear what kinds of Bakugan toys I know about. He was delighted that I knew names like Double Headed Draganoid, and Falconeer and Preyus Darkus. He deftly changed the subject to Tsunamis and wondered what they were and asked me if they cause "damage". I told him they did and he proceeded to list off all the things that he knew caused damage. Things like Tsunamis and Tornadoes. He looked excited as an idea formed in his head. "When we get home, can we make a show? You can tape me making a show. It will be called the Damage Weather Show."

"That's a good idea." I said. "What will you talk about during your show?"

"Well, we will talk about weather and damage. That's because it's called the Damage Weather Show."

That's a logical answer, I thought. And I know I may be biased because I'm his mother and all but I thought he was perfectly charming. And the guy sweeping the floor apparently thought he was charming, too. The guy kept hovering around and finally stopped and said, "Is he yours? He looks good."

Uh, sorry? I thought. Is he mine?? He "looks good"? What's that supposed to mean?

I turned my attention back to Jack and we continued our conversation. As Jack took a bite of his food, Sweeper Man came back and said, "You know, you need to be careful with kids. If they eat too fast they choke. I know. I work with retarded people and one time, one of the retarded people ate too fast and choked and we had to call an ambulance and he died."

Uh, what??? I thought. I was kind of annoyed that this guy was talking about this kind of thing in front of my 4 year old. Luckily, he had a really thick accent and Jack seemed oblivious to what he was saying. Jack actually asked me if that guy "spoke another language."

As engaging as Jack was, and as creepy as I found Sweeper Man, I have to admit there was something that had me distracted. It was Sweeper Man #2.

This is Sweeper Man #2. I became somewhat obsessed with Sweeper Man #2 from the moment we pulled into the Burger King parking lot- because I almost could have run him over. He was standing in the parking lot with the broom in hand. JUST STANDING THERE. WITH HIS EYES CLOSED. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PARKING LOT. I think he should have been sweeping the parking lot but he was just, uh sleeping. It was very odd. It made me wonder, What is his deal??? And eventually, he must have woken up because he moved inside. But then even inside, he just fell asleep again standing up with the broom in his hand. So as I tried to live in the moment of Jack and all his adorableness since he was such an awesome date and all, I was distracted by Sweeper Man #2. So much so that I took a picture of him sleeping with my camera phone and I pondered what could possibly be his situation. I have come to the conclusion it could be one of 3 things.
1) He has narcolepsy.
2) He is a Heroin addict and shot up in the bathroom at work before the start of his shift. And I watch the TV show Intervention so I know that Heroin does some crazy stuff to you like making you fall asleep standing up.
3) He was practicing for the job he really wants. I played out the story in my head of his life's ambition to be one of those people who paints themselves silver or gold and moves to San Francisco and stands on a crate at Pier 39 and pretends to be a statue for money.

6 comments:

LilSass said...

I absolutely love the idea of a Damage Weather Show. You tell Jack he's got one viewer already!

Meredith said...

Was that guy comparing your son to a retarded person?

People are STOOPID

Jen W said...

@Meredith. Seriously!! I think you may have nailed it.

Carolyn...Online said...

Burger King is like an alternate universe where things look the same but all of the people are totally whacked.

Manager Mom said...

Yikes... BK needs to screen their employees a little better.

Glad you had a good date. Since BK started serving Mac & Cheese and apple fries, my son has officially declared it his favorite restaurant EVER.

SF housewife said...

Ha ha ha, it's very amusing.