Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sausage?

I made the mistake of smelling Jack's feet this morning. Sometimes I forget he's not a tiny baby that has that sweet baby smell anymore. He's a boy- I love that he's a boy- but sometimes he's a stinky boy! And today, his feet smelled...bad! I said, "Jack, your feet stink! Smell your feet; Just smell them!" Jack lifted his foot to his nose and took a whiff and smiled and said, "Mmmmm mmm!" I looked at him and said, "What? You think your feet smell good? What do you think they smell like?" He thought for a second and responded, "Sausage!"

Easy on the syrup

So this morning Megan was pondering what to have for breakfast. She was zoning in on waffles but let me know that she wasn't sure because yesterday when I made her waffles, I put too much syrup on them...

Me (joking): "Well, all you have to do is tell me to 'go easy on the syrup'."
Megan: "Huh?"
Me: "Go easy on the syrup. It's a saying people use when they want you only to use a little of something."
Megan: "That's creepy."

So I go to make (and by make, I mean put them in the toaster) her waffles. When they are ready, I turn to her and say, "so... am I going easy on the syrup?" At this point I'm pretty much cracking myself up and Megan is huffing and puffing.

Megan (yelling): "YEESSSS!"
Me: "Why are you so angry about it?"
Megan (rolling her eyes): "Because you are annoying me. I'm trying to ignore you because you are annoying me. I'm going to make up a new word, a combination of annoying and ignoring."
Me: "ignoying?"
Megan:"Yes!"
Me: "Here are your waffles...easy on the syrup!"

Easy to please


One of the great things about Jack is how easy he is to please 90% of the time. Yesterday I made him a breakfast of Kellogg's Toaster Swirlz and for added effect, I cut them up with butter and a bit of syrup. Jack not only enjoyed his breakfast but he told me, "Cinnamon rolls is the goodest breakfast EVER!"

Friday, May 30, 2008

See- I'm not crazy!


As a follow up to my, um...'over reaction' to chasing bunnies with potential rabies post-

Jay was reading the paper this morning while I was on a conference call. He turned the paper around and pointed to an article and looked somewhat contrite. The article was titled, "Bat with rabies found in Naperville."

See- I'm not totally crazy. There is rabies in our town!

Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Yearbook

Yesterday:

Phone rings.
Me: "Hello?"
Megan: "Mommy? Um, I forgot that um, we were like, um supposed to um, bring our yearbooks to school so um everyone in our class could like um, sign them."
Me thinking- Oh man, this could be something that scars her for life if she doesn't have her yearbook signed and she's the only kid in 1st grade without her yearbook. Of course I'll jump in the car immediately and take it to her.
Me: "Okay honey. I'll be there in 5 minutes with your yearbook."

Today:

Phone rings.
Me: "Hello?"
Megan: "Mommy? Um, I didn't realize that um, today we are going to um, go to the other classes with um our yearbook and like have them sign our yearbooks."
Me thinking- Oh man, are you kidding me??? Two days in a row?
Me: "Okay honey. I'll be there in 5 minutes with your yearbook."
Me wondering- I wonder if she will ever remember this moment. It's small and probably insignificant to her but it's because I can work from home when I'm not traveling that I can tell her, I'll be there in 5 minutes- and mean it. I remember on a number of occasions my mom coming to rescue and bringing me my lunch, or other things I forgot. It wasn't until I became a mother that I was able to process those little actions and truly appreciate them.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

You Can't Always Get What You Want...Even If You Ask For It Quite Explicitly

Driving in the car going to dinner...

Jack:"I don't want to eat dinner."
Me & Jay simultaneously: "Okay. You don't need to eat anything when we get to the restaurant."
Jack: "I want to go home."
Me & Jay simultaneously: "Okay. We'll go home as soon as we are done eating."
Jack: "I want to go home right now."
Me & Jay simultaneously: "Nope."

Fishing... According to Megan


"There are three things you can do with the fish you catch. You can eat it. You can put it back or you can kill it and put it in a picture frame."

Monday, May 26, 2008

More importantly


The other day I noticed part of the wood trim on one of our pillars in the front of our house came off. Not the end of the world but a bit of a nuisance. Megan was on the front porch with me and I said, "Hey did you see this? Look at the trim that fell off of this pillar."

Megan looked at it for a moment and said, "I didn't see it before. But more importantly, I didn't do it."

I just looked at her and shook my head. She's 6 and already using phrases like "more importantly"???

Reciprocal favors

There are pros and cons to being Jack's (current) favorite. Mostly there are pros like extra hugs, kisses, I love you's etc. This morning though, Jack said, "Uh, Daddy, Daddy, I mean Momma..." (Obviously he changed his mind at the last minute because he knows I'm the push over and thought better of asking his dad for what was coming next). The next statement out of his mouth was, "Momma, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and when I call you, can you come into the bathroom and wipe my bottom?" "Uh sure," was my response. A few short moment later, Jack came waddling out of the bathroom with his underpants around his ankles and said in his sweet sing-songy voice, "Okay Momma! I'm ready for you to wipe my bottom!"

So I went into the bathroom and obliged. When I was done I said, "Okay Jack, you are all set. You can leave now because I'm going to use the potty." He didn't move and just stood there and said, "Well Momma, when you are done, I can wipe your bottom for you. Would you like that?"

Uh, thanks for the offer but I think I'll pass!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Fat Belly

After dinner last night, Jack lifted up his shirt and declared, "Look at my belly. It's fat. I have a fat belly." I assured him that I didn't think his belly was fat, but that maybe he was just full. He kept poking at his belly and responded, "No, Momma come examine it closer."

A short time later Jay suggested we head downtown for some dessert. Jack said, "I don't want dessert. I'm so full my stomach is mad. If I have ice cream, it will make my stomach madder."

Then a few moments after that, Jack stated, "Can we go get ice cream now? My stomach isn't mad anymore- it's happy!"

Taking things to the extreme

I have a bad habit of trying to drive points home to my children to make a point. I don't sugar coat the possible worst case scenario for them in certain instances. All of my "points" end with telling them how they will either be really sick, or really dead if they disregard my advice. For instance, If Jack's finger was too close to an outlet, my typical response would be something like, "If you stick your finger in there, you could get electrocuted and die." Or like the time when I was trying to deter Megan from ever drinking alcohol, although my tactic backfired, I took the approach that drinking before you are 21 makes you crazy... and potentially very short.

Sometimes out of habit, I blurt things out without thinking about the realistic possibility of my threats ever happening. Jay, who is much more rational than I am, understandably gets annoyed with my line of thinking and tries to course correct when necessary. Yesterday was one of those times. We were hanging out in our front yard and there were a ton of bunnies hopping around our yard. I think it was Megan who made the comment about catching one and keeping it for a pet...

Jay: "Yeah, try and catch one."
Megan: "Really??? Can I?"
Jay: "Sure. If you catch one I'll give you a hundred bucks."
Megan (starting to make a break for the bunnies): "Are you serious? A hundred bucks?"
Jay: "Yup. And then we'll go right downtown and you can buy a couple games for the Wii with it."
Me: "Yeah, we can go to the store right after we are done stopping off at the hospital so you can get your rabies shots."
Megan (stopping dead in her tracks, eyes widening): "Huh?????"
Jay (rolling his eyes and sighing at me): "NO! The bunnies don't have rabies. Only like, maybe 3 times ever has an animal ever had rabies."

So the kids resumed running after the rabbits and I continued to ponder the remote possibility that one of them may have rabies.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Issues with geese

Sitting outside with Megan and some geese went flying by. Megan said, "I don't like when I hear geese around me. I'm afraid they are going to fly by and poop on my head."

A tasty dessert

Jack explaining to Grandma about the dessert I am making tonight...

Jack: "Momma's making a pudding dessert. It has a little pie crust and she's gonna put some pudding in it. Then she's gonna put webbed cream on the top."
Megan: "Webbed cream? What's webbed cream?"
Jack: "It's cream that has webs mixed up in it to make webbed cream."
Megan: "It's not webbed cream Jack! It's whipped cream. You know, whipped cream???"

Wanna hear something fascinating?

Me: "Okay kids, I want you to both go inside and go potty before we get in the car."
Jack: "Where are we going?"
Me: "To the airport to pick up Grandma & Bampa."
Megan: "Yeah Jack, remember we are going to pick them up?"
Jack (whining): "Aww, I don't wanna go in the car."
Me:"What do you mean? You don't want to go see Grandma & Bampa?"
Megan: "Hey Jack, you wanna hear something fascinating?"
Jack: "Okay."
Megan: "You don't have a choice!"

Smart girl :)

Toilet Paper Controversy

I got back from a business trip late last night. I know in the whole scheme of things this is a very minor annoyance but 2 of the 3 bathrooms in my house had no toilet paper on the roll. It is a very minor pet peeve, but a pet peeve none the less. I could see from my family's point of view that it could be difficult if there was no replacement toilet paper in the bathroom to replace the roll. However, there are other rolls within reach. It's just a matter of removing the old roll and replacing the new. As Megan would say-easy peasy!

Although, I guess I should view this as a blessing in disguise. Megan could have changed the rolls. Jay and I are on the same page as far as toilet paper rolls go. We are what I would consider to be "over" people. I like my toilet paper roll with the paper coming over the top. This works for me; I understand it; I can adequately gauge how many squares I need under any given circumstance.


Megan is an anomaly. I don't know how or why she came to be this way but she is an "under" person.

She prefers the roll going under which to be honest, when I found out this was her preference, I looked at her and said, "Who are you?" I can't wrap my head around her preference. I mean, I could understand it if Jay was an "under" and I was an "over" that she might inherently have a preference one way or another. You know, like dominant and recessive genes in her DNA that cause toilet paper roll preference.

I'm sure as time goes by we will have more of these issues to address. But looking at the bigger picture- if my main issues with my family are how they like their toilet paper, I think we are in pretty good shape!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A 4 year-old's definition of "Crush"

Jack: "I've got a crush on Kendall."
Me: "Oh really? What do you think it means to have a crush?"
***At this point, I'm expecting a standard answer such as, "It means I like her" or "I want to marry her". However, Jack's definition was a little bit less conventional***
Jack: "Well, when you are standing up next to her, you jump on top of her and start to wrestle with her."

I guess that is one way of putting it :)

Monday, May 19, 2008

The power of the phone

We've passed a milestone tonight. Megan's class is having "Twin Day" tomorrow where a couple of the kids pair up and dress alike. Megan was paired up with two other girls so tomorrow will actually be "Triplet Day". Since she's only 6, she hasn't spent much time on the phone and she didn't want to call the other girls. Initially she wanted me to call the parents of the other girls and figure out the outfits they would wear. However, once Jay astutely pointed out that if I called, that would mean Megan wouldn't have a say in what the outfit would look like, she agreed to do the talking.

And that is when I entered the parallel universe. She not only got on the phone with both of the girls on separate occasions, but I couldn't get her off the phone. I felt like I jumped ahead 10 years. I sat back and laughed to myself at the conversation and watched her run between the laundry area and her closet to zero in on the matching outfit.

There were calls, and return calls, and closet checking, and wardrobe changes, and more return calls. Megan: "So, you'll call Brenda and then you'll call me back to see what we are wearing?"

There was discussion about what type of shoes would be best; ballet flats or flip flops? Megan: "So, like... I have this pair of shoes, and my mom calls them ballet flat shoes. Do you have any of those?"

Should they have pony tails or braids? Megan: "Should we do braids? I think braids. Huh? Oh no. My mom can do my braids. You don't have to."

A pink shirt or a brown one? Leggings or no leggings. Megan: "So, like... Do you have any leggings? Do you think we should wear leggings, jean skirt, brown shirt and braids? What kind of shoes?"

When Megan had to use the bathroom, she didn't even skip a beat. Instead of offering a callback, I heard her on the phone still chatting away even through the flushing of the toilet.(Note to self- teach Megan phone etiquette) Although, she did comment about the hardship of the phone. Megan: "Is there a button on this phone that can make it a speaker so I don't have to keep holding the phone up to my ear????"

I thought their little heads would explode from the decisions. I secretly enjoyed watching her as an outsider as she came to the realization that the phone can be a lifeline of sorts. But alas, enough was enough. It was nearing bedtime and the outfits had been decided upon. As I walked into Megan's room, she was laying on her bed,legs crossed, one arm behind her head saying, "So this dog of yours... is it a real dog?"

Busted

Jack: "Can people bust?"
Me:"What do you mean? Give me an example."
Jack: "Well, it's when you sneak up on a person and throw them in jail."
Me: "Oh, you mean getting busted. Yes, that is a phrase people use to say that someone got in trouble. A person has to do something really bad to get busted and put in jail.
Jack: "Yes like if a person was lying or doing something bad."
Me: "How did you hear about that?"
Jack: "Well, this kid at my school, he's really smart and he knows all about it and he told me that's what busting is."

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Now that is just wrong.

Sitting this morning playing Webkinz with Jack on the computer...

Me: "Jack, you so need a bath tonight. And I need to clip your nails."
Jack: "Why?"
Me: "Because you are filthy. Look at your fingers. You can see dirt under your nails."
Jack: "You know how they got dirty?"
Me: "No, how?"
Jack: "Because sometimes I stick my fingers up my bum bum and get poop on them."
Me (pushing Jack off my chair): "Eeeww! That is disgusting. Go wash your hands immediately!"

Saturday, May 17, 2008

The Kissing Bandit

Jack has figured out that I am a total push-over for his kisses and he is starting to take full advantage of that fact. In the mornings, he comes into my room and shuffles over to me making kissing noises and then gives me multiple kisses.

If I start to say no to him, he immediately grabs my face and starts to kiss me. He's also taken to counting out the kisses. "Momma, do you want four kisses? How about six kisses? How about eight kisses?"

The other day, after much kissing fanfare, Jack asked me, "Is that too much Kiss-A-Licious?" And tonight after I put him to bed and gave him a goodnight kiss, Jack informed me, "That is the last kiss I have in my kissing machine. But don't worry Momma, when I wake up in the morning, I'll have more!"

I can hardly wait!

Parlez Vous Dog?

Some of my most entertaining conversations happen while I am in the car with Jack. Yesterday, as I drove him to pre-school, he started talking about dogs. This is an ongoing discussion I've been having with the rest of my family. They all want a dog. I don't. Dogs are okay but I've never been a huge fan. Both Jay and I had dogs when we were growing up and I think it's safe to say, they both fall into the category of Brutal Experiences.

First up- my dog. He was a Shetland Sheepdog named Wylie.

He was always extremely timid and a heck of a yapper! Whenever you would yell at him, he would cower down and pee. When I was young, I wasn't too concerned with the constant barking but once I got to high school, it really put a cramp in my style and made sneaking out (or sneaking in) a near impossibility.

And then there was Jay's dog. He was a black Poodle named Perry.

Perry was, um... well, evil. He didn't really seem to like anyone except for Jay's immediate family. He bit numerous mailmen and visitors. I once saw one of Jay's best friends scramble up the back of the couch and start screaming like a little girl while Perry tried as best as he could to attack him. Perry also had a problem with hoarding. He used to hide his treats, or any other food he managed to get his teeth into, in the Christmas tree. Whenever you went near the tree, Perry started to growl at you which was a less than pleasant experience.

So needless to say, my prior experiences with dogs haven't been emotionally fulfilling. And couple that with the fact that the dog my family wants would be home with me all day, every day while I'm working...I can see it now. Me on a conference call trying to explain our software to a customer with the dog frantically barking in the background...doesn't that sound relaxing???? By default, whether I want it to or not, it means the bulk of the animal care would fall on me. So I've been pushing back. But the family is slowing wearing me down. And yesterday while we were driving in the car, Jack took the opportunity to further chip away at my resolve.

Jack: "Let's get a dog."
Me: "Nah, they are a lot of work."
Jack: "Well, we could get a Pug! How about a nice puppy Pug?"
Me: "I don't think so. You need to talk with your dad about it."
Jack: "Well then, how about a Poodle?"
Me: "No Way!" (insert Perry story from above here) "Plus, dogs are so much work to take care of that I still don't think it is a good idea."
Jack: "But it's okay Momma. I can help. I can speak Dog! See...watch- Ruff ruff ruff...ruff ruff ruff... ruff ruff!"

"I got the Queen ant!"

Hanging out around the cul-de-sac on a nice Saturday afternoon can lead to some odd behaviors. I noticed Jack and a couple other boys today hunched down on all fours on the sidewalk. I couldn't tell what they were doing from across the street so I walked over. I figured they were just looking at a bug or something but as I got closer, I noticed the boys were spitting on the sidewalk. "That's disgusting! What are you guys doing?" I asked.

Jack looked up at me and said, "We are drowning the ants. I got the Queen ant!"

Boys will be boys, I suppose.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Where's Waldo- I mean Megan

So today was the "Author's Tea" at Megan's school. It is quite an event. The kids spent a good portion of the year researching, writing and publishing stories and today was their day to shine. I always get a tad bit anxious to go to Megan's school events because she usually either ignores me, climbs under her desk, makes weird faces or makes strange grunting noises upon my arrival. Any and all of these actions are met by the other parents with strange looks in my direction. I can tell by the looks on their faces that they either a) think there is something wrong with Megan or b) think there is something wrong with the way that I treat Megan that makes her act that way. Even I still can't figure out if she even really likes having me there or not...sigh.

At any rate, today was no different. I walked in and Megan saw me and ducked behind some other students. It took me a moment to realize that she was hiding from me but I found her, took out my camera and right as I took a picture of her, she threw a piece of paper up over her face. You can tell which one is Megan in this picture because no other children were covering their faces with paper, again...sigh.


So after the kids read their group story, they sit at their desks and all the parents go around and have the children read their stories to them. After the kids read, the parents have the kids sign their autograph books. It's really pretty cute. So naturally, I went over to Megan's desk and took out my camera again. Right when I took the picture, she did this...


And then when I said through clenched teeth, "C'mon Megan!" I got this...

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

What the....

This afternoon I was sitting working on my laptop as the neighborhood kids ran around outside. The kids were playing some sort of game. I'm not sure what the game was but I know they were playing a game because I kept hearing random kids yelling things like, "That's not how you play" or "It's my turn" or "You're it" etc.

I heard some footsteps clamoring up the stairs of my deck and looked up to see one kid running by... then another...then another...then another kid with something that looks like this in her hand...



And then moments later, Megan running by with another similar looking stake in her hand. I thought to myself, "What the..." and then I said it- one of those phrases that before you have kids you promise yourself you will NEVER say. Phrases like, "Stop running with scissors" and "Because I said so" and "Do you do everything your friends do? If they jumped on a bridge would you?"

I tossed my laptop to the side, got up and went over to my sliding glass door yelling, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! Get over here. You are going to poke somebody's eye out with those things!"

Megan looked at me disheartened, sighed and said, "Aw Mom! Now we can't be the Reaper!"

Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Pull Up King



I don't even know what to say about these pictures. They pretty much speak for themselves.

In honor of Me- er, I mean Mother's Day

So today is Mother's Day. I always feel a mix of joy and sadness on this particular day. Joy for the fact that I am a mother and have two hilarious (in my opinion) kids; And sadness that my mother passed away about two weeks before I realized I was pregnant with Megan. She never got a chance to meet my kids and now that Megan is getting older, she often asks about my mom. I sometimes find myself struggling to answer the questions Megan has about my mother. Many times I ache at the fact that I was still so self-absorbed when she passed that I never really took the opportunity to find out more detail about my mother- who she was, more about her childhood, her thoughts on life in general etc.

Megan and Jack also ask to hear stories about my childhood as well. The problem there is that, well, I wasn't the best kid... I was actually pretty awful for a good period of my teenage years so I'm purposely NOT telling them about a good chunk of my life at this point. And secondly, my memory of my early childhood isn't the best and since my mom's not around to help fill in the gaps, I have about 8-10 stories that I seem to retell over and over...BORING!

So, that said and in response to the Crazy Eights tag from Erica over at Tales from the Tracks, I'm going to take a stab at 8 facts about myself.

1) Once when I was 4, my mom had the flu and was very ill. I insisted that she take me to pre-school and wouldn't let up on her until she drove me to pre-school with a barf bucket in her lap the whole way. When she initially refused, I told her to let my big brother drive me (he was 8).

2) My three biggest irrational fears in life are flying, bees and tornadoes.

3) Even at my age, I still wonder what I'm going to be when I grow up.

4) When I was in Jr. High, I had some delusions about being a model. Although I would put myself in the "mildly pleasant to look at category",I would say my modeling career was thwarted early on by a few things:
a) I was about 5 feet 2 inches tall at the time (until I shot to almost 5'8" when I was a Junior in High School)- well before Kate Moss paved the way for shorter models.
b) It was the early 1980's and in my "test shots" (side note- test shots= Dad taking pics of me in our dining room w/ sub-optimal lighting) I wore neon. Oh yeah, you heard me... a HUGE over sized neon sweatshirt with big numbers on it in varying sizes and neon colors.
c) My hairstyle was a mullet- enough said.
d) My pictures never actually made it to the magazine that was running the model search contest. For three days in a row I kept finding my envelope, opened in the snow in my front yard. After day 3, the pictures were pretty water stained and I came to the realization that either the universe, or my mailman were trying to give me a clue that modeling wasn't going to be in my future.

5) I was a gymnast for 12 years until my knees, and my lack of social life got to me. I actually attribute my hatred of Halloween to my gymnastic career. I used to have practice until 9 at night, every night of the week and by the time I would get home on Halloween, all my friends had gone home and the approved neighborhood timeline would be over. For a couple years there, I tried to get a little bit of candy and went as a gymnast to a few houses that still had their lights on but it was more pathetic than fun.

6) If I flare my nostrils, I have a dimple in my chin (like John Travolta) that simultaneously moves in and out.

7) My first memory that it's painful when you don't get what you want in the romance department was in Junior High. We were at our school roller skating party and the lights went out. I went skating around to find the object of my affection and rolled right over him and a classmate of mine as they were having their own private make out session... ouch! Still to this day when I hear the song "Sister Christian" by Night Ranger, I vividly remember that moment.

8) I'm embarrassed to admit it but I am a reality TV junkie. It's one of my guilty pleasures. Although, just last season I started to realize that maybe I am too old to watch the Real World. Instead of picturing myself on the show and the type of character I would be while I partied with wild abandon, I now find myself picturing Megan or Jack on that show and thinking about how I would kill them if they ever behaved like that; And how it would be difficult for them to find a job with a stint on the Real World on their resume.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

The kind of thing that happens when Momma's on a business trip

This is the second business trip in a row that Jack has gotten out of bed in the middle of the night while I'm out of town. According to Jay, Jack insisted on wearing underpants, not a pull up to bed last night. When Jay went to bed, he woke Jack up and took him in to go potty (a preemptive strike, if you will). Things were going fine. At about 1AM, Jay rolled over and Jack was sleeping next to him. I would say, "What a stealth maneuver by my son" but Jay once slept through a tornado when we were in college so it probably wasn't much of a stretch for Jack to slip in unnoticed. For some reason when Jay woke up, he thought it was early morning, but after awhile he realized that it was the middle of the night. Jay took him back to bed and when he asked Jack if he wanted to stop off to pee, he said, "I already went." This morning Jay woke Jack up and asked him if he remembered coming to sleep with Jay. He didn't. Jay asked him if he was dry. Jack said, "Yep, I turned my penis off last night".

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

And my two worlds collided

There is a delicate balance between working and mothering. I don't know how women do it when they have their kids home with them all the time. I typically try to (as best as I can) separate the two... and by separate, I mean shipping my kids to school and daycare for a good portion of the day (Oh yeah, I know I'm a shoe in for Mother-of-the-Year using phrases like "shipping my kids to daycare"). Last night however, my two worlds collided. I had both kids home with me, Jay was still at work and I had a late conference call scheduled for 5:00 PM. In my book, that is the worst time to have a call; 5-7 PM at my house is what I call the witching hours. The kids are hungry; they want to play; they want to watch TV, etc.

So right as I dialed in to the conference call, Jack informs me he has to go potty. Fine, no problem. So I put my phone on mute as people are gathering and he's giving me the play by play of the activities in there. "Momma- I'm going pee! I've got lots of pee!" Now, people are introducing themselves on the call. I can tell they are going to get to me any minute and I'm trying to shush Jack. However, now he's calling out to me, "Momma! Momma! I've got poops too. Lots of poops...and pee! I've got combination poops and pee!" At this point I'm running to the corner of the dining room so the people on the phone can't hear my son screaming about his feces in the background to introduce myself while Jack is still yelling, "Huge poops Momma!"

Sunday, May 4, 2008

"This is the worst day of my life!"


So Jack and I went to a birthday party today for a girl from his pre-school at Chuck E Cheese. It was supposed to be just Jack at the birthday. According to the invite, it didn't say anything about requiring parents to stay. Once I got there and tried to hand the mom my cell phone number, she gave me the "Oh, you aren't going to stay? I think most of the parents are going to stay." Ugh- okay I guess I'm staying. Jack seemed to have a good time at first but he very quickly got tired and wouldn't eat any cake because "it had princesses on it". I tried to explain that it would taste the same but that wasn't going to fly with him today.

So, Jack and I played some games and earned a whopping 32 tickets for toys. I took Jack to the toy counter and you really can't get much with 32 tickets. I tried to steer him to the trinkets that were less than 30 tickets but Jack had his eye on something else. He looked up on the top shelf and saw this mammoth matchbox set for 3,000 points. I could almost see the glow coming off of it as Jack looked up and pointed to it with his eyes widening. I envision he would have the same look if he were to see the second coming of Jesus Christ. He insisted on having it but I told him no; we didn't have enough points for that. We finally settled on two mini plastic spiders and a tootsie pop. Poor guy- how brutal is that??? I even felt bad for him and it reminded me why I hate Chuck E Cheese so much. What a machine that place is. Come to think of it, I can list about 5 main reasons why I officially am declaring I don't like Chuck E Cheese.

1) You know it's just covered in boogers and germs for starters.
2) Let's talk about the food for a second. It's soooo mediocre it's almost criminal to serve it as far as I'm concerned.
3) They changed the way you can earn tickets on Skeeball. Jay used to be able to walk away with hundreds of tickets which would all but guarantee we could get out of there without any temper tantrums.
4) The toys pretty much suck at the trinket counter.
5) Chuck E the mouse is creepy. Enough said.

So needless to say, Jack left the party pretty dejected. He pretty much whimpered the entire way home and told me, "This is the worst day of my life! Nothing is going the way I want it to today." I told him that happens sometimes and everyone has good days and bad days. I hoped that would make him feel better. It didn't. He said, "Yeah, but that isn't the way I had it planned!"

Jack's got a brand new toy

Tonight after baths, the kids were getting into their pajamas. Megan is self-sufficient but Jack still needs a bit of help. He was standing there naked as I went to his drawer to get a pull up. I turned around to find him, uh... I guess the best phrase to use is "playing with himself". I tried to ignore it and had him step into his pull up but his hand didn't move so I said, "Hey Jack, what's going on?" "Uh, nothing" he responded with his hand still glued to his private parts. I pulled the pull up all the way on and his hand now looked like it was down his pants. "Jack, what are you doing? Are you playing with your penis?" He responded, "No, I'm playing with my new toy. This toy is attached to my body! I love this toy!"

Parent Teacher Conferences

Jay and I went to Jack's preschool yesterday for the semi-annual Parent Teacher Conference. As we usually do, we arrived a couple minutes early. The teachers were talking to the mother of one of Jack's classmates and so we sat down on a bench in the waiting room and waited our turn. After a few moments, I realized we might be here a while. I could see the mother through the window and she kept crying. And it didn't appear that she was going to be turning off the waterworks any time in the near future. At first I felt bad for her but after a few minutes I started to get annoyed. I mean, we were here on time and I realize she's sad and all but honestly, the noise was getting to me. And by noise, I'm referring to the clocks that were behind the bench. Lots of clocks; probably about 12 of them. Each of the clocks were set to a different time zone and unfortunately, they were the kind of clocks that you can hear every tick.



Now, I've always had a thing with repetitive noises. They drive me absolutely INSANE. Whether it's a dripping faucet,our neighbor's car alarm,Jay's snoring or either one of my children ringing the doorbell over and over or saying "Mom, mom, mom, mom"- once I notice it, I become fixated on it. I can't NOT notice it and I...must...make...it...STOP!

So there we are, sitting on the bench and then I noticed it. The ticking of the clock. But it wasn't just the ticking of one clock, it was twelve- not all simultaneously. So it sounded like this, "Tick,Tock,tick,TOCK, Click,Clack,tick,click,tock,tock,tick, click,CLACK,TICK, tock,tick,click,Tock,tick, TOCK,Click,Clack,tick,click,tock,tock,tick,click,CLACK,TICK, tock,tick,click..." AAAAAARRRRRGGHHH. I tried to keep my composure but after about 3 minutes of that, I looked at Jay and was about to say something about it when he turned to me and said, "SERIOUSLY???????????"

And that is why I love him. Those little moments.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Blah blah blah....Blah blah blah

Jack was trying to tell a story today about what the back of a box reads. We were all half paying attention to him while we were reading, looking on the computer etc. But then, after a few moments, you just couldn't ignore him. Here is what he said:

"...The back of the box says Blah, blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah...Blah blah, blah blah blah..."

Finally, Jay said, "Ok Jack- that is enough." Jack leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Is that ridicurous?" (And he actually said ridicurous, not ridiculous.)

Friday, May 2, 2008

Cheaters never prosper

Megan is big into a card game called Spoons. I wasn't aware of it until a few days ago but it is quickly becoming a staple in our "family fun". Alas, as Jerry Seinfeld once said, "There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."

Tonight as I was standing in the kitchen, a heated game of Spoons was going on in the other room. I heard Megan tell Jay a number of times, "You are cheating!". Her repeated accusations finally got the best of my husband as Jay retorted, "If you call me a cheater one more time, then I quit."

I couldn't help myself. I called out to him, "Well, she'll just call you a sore loser then."

Thursday, May 1, 2008

The strength of genetics

I've always tended to be a bit of a morbid thinker by nature. When given the opportunity, I tend to go for the worst case scenario. I've been known to sit for a time and contemplate what the last moments on my death bed might be like. And once I had children, I had a transference of sorts. I once convinced Jay while we were on vacation when Megan got really sick that she had West Nile Virus (she didn't). My morbid nature has manifested itself in a number of ways. Just a few of the many examples I could pick from include:

1) Flying-The ironic thing is I fly multiple times per month for my job. But I'll be honest, I don't enjoy it at all. And I don't mean "I don't enjoy it" in the I-don't-like-being-in-a-compact-space-with-smelly-people kind of way. I mean "I don't enjoy it" in the if-anything-happens-to-this-plane-there-is-no-possible-way-I-will-survive kind of way. I admit I've gotten better over the years but I still have some quirks. First off, if it is at all possible, I prefer to fly United Airlines. Not because of the leg room, or the service, but solely because of the fact that I can listen to the cock pit on the radio as we fly. I figure if we are going down, at least I'll know it's happening. I've gotten a lot more relaxed in my "rules" as well so I feel like I'm making progress. Some of my rules from a few years back included only sitting in aisle seats (preferably in an exit row). I used to religiously count the number of rows until I got to an exit row, if I wasn't sitting in the exit row. I don't drink alcohol on a plane (I figure I'd have faster reflexes should the plane be going down) and I used to have this really odd phrase I'd repeat to myself in my head if there was turbulence..."turbulence means air, and air is good." And by the way, YES, I do know how crazy this all sounds.

2) Hypochondriac- This goes all the way back to college. I have a problem with illness. I do a lot of self-diagnosis and admittedly have spent a lot of time on www.webmd.com. For instance, when I have a really bad headache, there have been times where I've convinced myself that I am having a stroke. Shooting pain down the arm? Oh yeah- in my book that's a heart attack. You get the picture.

3) Post Partum depression- I do realize that this is an anomaly and could be viewed strictly as a chemical imbalance. However, after Jack was born my morbid thoughts were brought to a new level. If Jay and Megan would leave the house, I would have thoughts of them getting in car accidents and dying and would play out the scenario in my head of me calling Jay's mom to explain to her that her son died. On multiple occasions as I was carrying Jack down the stairs, I would think about what would happen if I tripped down the stairs and fell on him and killed him. In that scenario, I would be calling 911 and explaining to them that I didn't really kill my son, that is was just an accident. Needless to say, that was a horrible time in my life and very much to the extreme and I don't care what Tom Cruise says but Zoloft was my saving grace.

Anyway, a couple of things have happened over the past couple days that have made me think that maybe my morbidity isn't just me; Maybe it's genetic. We have a tree in our front yard that the kids love to climb. The other day it happened to be very windy and as the kids were in the tree, with the wind blowing, I heard Jack yell to Megan, "We need to get down! The tree is going to fall on us!!!" He was so earnest about it that it broke my heart. Then a day later, I was driving through Burger King's drive through with the kids. On the right side of the car, there was a pretty steep hill. I saw Megan look out her window and she said, "What do you think would happen if we drove off the edge?" And then Jack chimed in, "Yeah, what if we fell off the hill and died???"

It was at that moment that I felt a bit of guilt. I think perhaps a bit of my morbid nature has rubbed off on them. I only hope that if that is the case, that they are able to balance it with the good in life.