Saturday, February 28, 2009

The epitome of laziness

Communication is breaking down around here- verbal communication that is. I hear the high pitched dinging noise of my text messaging and get up to retrieve my phone wondering who could be text messaging me.

I look at the screen and see this:

"Did they charge our credit card for Ride the Rockies?"

Geez- it's from Jay, my loving husband. At this very moment, Jay is in the other room...not even 30 feet from where I sit. So I respond:

"This has got to be the epitome of laziness."

After another moment passes, I again hear the familiar dinging of my text messaging and look down to see this:

"No, that would be if I was asking you to bring me a beer."

Fair enough. He does have a good point there.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Us girls still know how to party like it's 1993...actually, not so much.

Last weekend I went downtown for a college friend's birthday party. I have to say I was counting the minutes until it was time to leave and I'm not totally sure but I think I may have left skid marks in my driveway as I left. Not that I don't love my family. I do. They are near and dear to my heart. But lately, I've been spending too much time in the house. I haven't been traveling for work the way I used to so I'm now working from home 100% of the time, and the weather has been horrendous. The side effect of this is that I basically never leave my house but for 15 minutes a day to get my kids off to school. Essentially the only human contact I have is with Jay and the two shorties that live in my house. Megan asked the other day what coat she should wear and...well, I couldn't tell her- I hadn't been outside in days and had absolutely no idea what the weather was like. I'm really starting to feel like Sandra Bullock from the movie The Net (You know the movie from the mid-1990's where she works from home, orders pizzas online and none of her neighbors ever see her? Yeah, that's me now, except she's waaaay better looking than me, and for the most part, I still use the phone to order my pizzas.)

So needless to say, I was pretty excited to get out of the house. And hanging out with my college girlfriends???? Forget about it! I automatically feel like I'm 20 all over again. So downtown we went to party like it was 1993...and therein lies the problem. Just because my mind feels like I'm 20 again, doesn't mean that my body agrees.

There was cocktailing and dancing... lots of it. Oh, and plenty of photos to remember the evening by. Just a few middle-age ladies out for a night on the town.

...and then more cocktails...

And there you have it...obviously way too many cocktails.

Don't get me wrong, the signs of age were there. They were subtle at first. Like the fact that my vocal chords can't handle screaming over the music for multiple hours on end. As I tried to hold a conversation, my voice started to give out. But in my defense, my middle-age cohort's ears might not be as good as they used to be, either. I can't remember exactly what the conversation was about. I just remember thinking what I was saying was hilarious and my friend kept saying, "What?!?" every time I repeated myself... until about the fourth time. Then she laughed and I thought she finally heard me and got what I was saying. Then, she looked at me and said, "I know you are going to kill me but...what?"

I began to notice some other subtle differences between the 1993 version of Us and the 2009 version of Us.

1) Instead of drinking and dialing our "boyfriends" at the end of the night, we all called home before 8:00 PM so as not to wake the kids.

2) When we get home at 1:30 AM, now we say, "I can't believe I stayed out until 1:30!" instead of "It's only 1:30?!? Where is the after hours?"

3) And most of all, instead of sleeping until noon the next day, we still get up early like we are programmed to do and fight off the post-drinking haze with an Imitrex and 800 mg Ibuprofen. Oh yeah, I said it... 800 em-gees. I'm crazy smart like that. (Actually my friend is crazy smart like that and loaned me said 800 mg Ibuprofen)

But I'd do it again in a minute.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Megan's future may be in graphic design

Megan made this presentation today in Powerpoint. I think it's a pretty great story. Jack agrees. After we were done watching the show, Jack proclaimed, "Megan, it's a HIT!"

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Interesting (or not so interesting) facts: Where a band member of The Fray lives and love is nice.

Conversations evoked this morning from watching videos on VH1:

After seeing kissing in a video...
Megan: Kissing is gross. Yuck.
Jay: Maybe they are in love.
Jack: Yeah Megan, love is nice.
Megan: But Jack, do you like watching people kiss?!?!?
Jack: Yes.
Megan: Yuck.

While watching The Fray's You Found Me video...
Me: Hey Megan, you want to know an interesting fact?
Megan: Sure.
Me: There is a guy that I work with, he lives in Denver and his next door neighbor is one of the band members of The Fray. I've told your dad that fact like two times and for some reason he doesn't think it is that interesting.
Megan: I like famous people!!!
Me (thinking I had proved my point): SEE!!! Thank you!!
Megan(bursting my bubble): Well, I'm not saying that fact is all that interesting.
Jay: You know why it's not that interesting? Megan, do you know who Mommy works with?
Megan: No.
Jay (completely deflating my bubble): Exactly! So the "fact" is basically some dude you don't know, knows some famous dude who you'll never meet.
Me: .....

Friday, February 20, 2009

We've established being a chef is not a career choice.

As part of Megan's "Road to First Communion", she is required to participate in a community service project. She has settled on volunteering for Feed My Starving Children.

**The approach is simple: children and adults hand-pack meals designed specially for starving children, and FMSC ships the meals to more than 60 countries around the world.
**From the FMSC web site.

This morning we talked about volunteering while we waited for the school bus.

Me: So Megan, you for sure want to volunteer for Feed My Starving Children?
Megan: Yeah.
Me: Jack, do you want to come with me and Megan to volunteer for Feed My Starving Children?
Jack: What is it?
Me: Well, it's an organization that puts together food and sends it to kids all over the world that don't have much food.
Jack: No. I don't want to do it.
Megan: Why don't you want to do it, Jack?
Jack: Because if I go there, it will make me want to be a chef when I grow up and I don't want to be a chef when I grow up.
Megan(laughing): Jack, they don't make you cook the food. You just put the packages of food in boxes to send to kids.
Jack: I still don't want to do it.
Me: Fair enough. But since you don't want to be a chef when you get older, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Jack: I've decided that I want to be an afleet. (***He meant athlete)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Oh look kids! It's a real life shoplifter!

I love when real life presents me with an opportunity to teach my kids a life lesson. Tonight we ran up to Target to get a couple birthday gifts for some upcoming parties Megan and Jack will be attending. It was a quick trip. We ran in, grabbed our stuff and headed out. It may have been the fastest trip to Target ever. Okay, I take that back. It may have been the fastest trip to Target where we *actually* purchased something. I've had a quick trip to Target in the past that ended in me carrying Jack out under my arm like a football while he screamed hysterically and wildly kicked at Megan the whole time we were walking out without actually purchasing anything. Ah, good times...good times.

As we left Target, I looked to my right and saw two police cars pulled right up by the door, about five police officers, two Target employees, and three very guilty looking teenage boys standing against the wall. I sprung into action. "Hey Megan and Jack, look over there, you see that? See those police officers over there?"

"Uh huh. What's going on?" They both responded in tandem.

"Those, my children, are SHOPLIFTERS! You know what a shoplifter is?" I didn't wait for them to answer. Instead I continued to stare and point as if we were looking at the lions at the zoo. "Shoplifters are people who take things from stores without paying for them."

"Are they getting in trouble?" Jack asked.

"Uh, yeah they are! They are getting ARRESTED and they will probably go to JAIL!"

At this point both Megan and Jack's eyes widened like saucers and they said, "Really???"

"Uh huh," I continued, "Look at that...those police officers are checking them for their stolen goods. Oooh- and now look! They are putting handcuffs on them. Whew, those guys are in a lot of trouble."

We piled into the car and I turned around to the kids, "Hey, you want me to drive around so you can get a closer look at those shoplifters?"

"YES!" The kids yelled in unison as if I just asked them if they wanted a gigantic ice cream sundae. So I pulled around slowly just as they were cuffing the last of the three teenagers. I swear I think Jack had his face pressed up against the glass to get a better look while Megan just whispered, "Cool!".

Life lesson complete. I proceeded to drive home to the onslaught of follow on questions about shoplifting, jail sentences, and my two favorite questions by Jack:

Q: What happens if you run from the police?
My answer: Well, you should never run from the police. They will think you are running because you did something wrong and they might shoot you.

Q:What about technology crimes? The police don't need their guns for technology crimes do they?
My thought: Technology crimes??? How do they know about "technology crimes"???

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I wouldn't eat those apples if you paid me (optionally titled: I think my children's biological mother may be Elaine Benes)

It's been a while since I've stalked followed my kids around with a video camera but last week I taped them quite a bit. For the most part, they seem to enjoy it and many times, they play it up for the camera. Last week I turned on some Rihanna and just let them go.

Megan wanted some props so she opted for some apples. It seemed like a good idea at first until she started rubbing the apples on her head, then sticking them up to her nose. She also attempted to juggle *one* apple but dropped it onto my floor damaging it beyond repair. I'm guessing a job as a clown or a juggler isn't in her future.

Jack wasn't going to get in on the action but after a few minutes, he just couldn't help himself and he had to let his body groove to the music. Megan didn't want to share the spotlight so she attempted to dance him out of the scene but he's no dummy. He called her on it.

He finished it off with his signature move- sashaying across the floor. All he was missing was some jazz hands and his move would have been complete.

Upon watching my children dance their butts off, only one thing came to mind...the scene from Seinfeld where Elaine started dancing at the wedding.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I always wondered how to get past the Darth Maul level of Nintendo DS Star Wars... Thanks, Jack!

And the obsession continues... Jack is deeply in love/lust with Nintendo DS Star Wars. I don't get it; I don't understand it. Half of the time, when he's talking to me about it, I have no idea what he's saying. Here is a glimpse of what I mean. In this video, Jack is trying to explain to me how to get through the Darth Maul level of Star Wars. I love how he's displaying the game for the camera.

He's trying so hard to ignore Megan as she attempts to go all Jedi Mind Trick on him to break his concentration. Silly girl. She knows not the depths of his love for Star Wars.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Updates on my pledges

So I'm trying to live up to the pledges I set for myself. So far, so good. I donated blood last week. It was just like I remembered and the lady told me that it had actually been 4 years since I donated last. Ouch.

I also filled out my volunteer form for the American Cancer Society and hope to begin helping out at events next week. I can count on one hand the number of people in my lineage who became ill and/or died of something other than cancer. Seriously, when I fill out my family's medical history, the cancer section reads like a who's who list: Lung cancer, stomach cancer, prostate cancer, skin cancer, breast cancer, colon cancer and pancreatic cancer all run in my bloodline. I'm sure I'm missing some from the list but you get the idea. So unless a cure for the big C happens in my lifetime, I can say with a decent amount of certainty that unless I die in some horrible accident, I will likely meet my demise with the big C. At any rate, I'm passionate about this cause and am looking forward to helping.

My other pledges are making progress as well. I've mostly stopped using plastic at the grocery store and purchased reusable totes to carry my groceries. I've also been trying out some new, eco-friendly household products. I was skeptical at first because I've come to believe (for whatever reason) that chemicals were the only way you could really get something *clean*. Clorox wipes run rampant at my house and I always have this little voice in the back of my head that wonders, is it really a good idea to put food on the counter I just "cleaned" with bleach and other toxins? I'm also that same person that fills both cups in my dishwasher to overflowing with dishwasher detergent- just to make sure it works.

So, anyhoo...I tried out a few products from Ecostore USA and am wondering if anyone else has used this brand? This is my first toe-dip in the eco-friendly pool so I'm not even sure what other alternatives exist out there but have to say, I was pleasantly surprised.

My favorite of all the products that I tried was the Auto Dish Powder. According to the label, it only requires one tablespoon per load. I totally rolled my eyes after reading that. I thought, there is no way a single tablespoon of powder, without all the chemicals, will work. But I have to say, it works. I can't believe that it does, but it does. My dishes were just as clean as any other load.

I've also started using the spray cleaner instead of my Clorox wipes. I feel better about using this on my counters- especially where my family is eating. I like the citrus smell of it, too.

I also have the toilet cleaner but I have to say, I got this more for my cleaning lady than I did for me but I tried it and it seems to work well, too. I loathe cleaning toilets of any kind. But seeing as Jack is only 5, he can uh... how should I say this...he can miss his target from time to time. So with the amount of toilet cleaning that should be happening around here, I feel good about not flushing a bunch of toxins down the toilet.

So all in all, I'm feeling pretty good about my progress. Toot, toot! (That's the sound of me tooting my own horn on the pledge progress).

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I miss my talks with Jack

I miss my talks with Jack. He has spiraled so far into addiction, his Nintendo DS addiction. More times than not, I hear myself talking to him with no response. Our car rides, once full of Jack's thoughts and stories are now mostly silent with the exception of the cling, clang, ting, ting sound of the Lego's Star Wars game. And when he does talk, he now seems to ask me about things I know nothing about. Things like, "Did you know the clone army is huge?" or "Did you see Boba Fett's jet pack?" or "What do you think Jabba the Hut's weapon is?"


I want my talks back. I know they aren't lost for good. I know this because Jack was without his DS when I picked him up today and it was just like old times. As soon as we hopped into the car, Jack was his old self.

"Mommy, did you know Miss L and Miss J at school are mommies?" he asked.

"Uh huh. I did know that."

"They are mommies and teachers. And you are a mommy, too. Right Mommy?"

"Yup, that's true. I am a mommy."

Jack continued his thought process. "Because if you didn't have any kids, you wouldn't be a mommy. You'd just be a plain old grown up, right?"

"Uh, a 'plain old grown up'?"

"Uh huh, because if you didn't have kids, you would be lonely, right?"

I decided to tread lightly here. "Well, I love having you and Megan and wouldn't want it any other way. But sometimes people don't have kids because they have decided they didn't want to have them, or couldn't have them."

I paused for a second before I continued. "People who don't have kids aren't always lonely...they find other things they are interested in and they..."

Jack finished my sentence with, "They get a dog???"

Monday, February 2, 2009

Faux fur or gopher?

I had to capture this moment. We were waiting for the bus this morning and Megan came up to the front seat and put her head on my shoulder. Even though Megan was snuggling with me because she had a headache, I wanted to capture this moment since the sight of Megan snuggling can be as rare as seeing a Black Rhino. I didn't realize until after I took this what her face looked like.

After a moment, she lifted her head and started to play with the hood on my coat. She touched the furry part and said, "Ewww!"

"It's faux fur." I responded.

She gasped and said, "What do you mean it's gopher?!?"