Friday, April 10, 2009

It's a multi-purpose tool, really...

So I watched this Oprah episode yesterday about how to talk to your kids about sex. It is now saved on my DVR with a lock on it to never delete until I say so. Because although I don't need that advice right now, it certainly will come in handy in about 2-3 years when Megan is closer to the age of 10. (Except for the part where the Dr. suggests that as a parent, you offer your 15 year old daughter the possibility of a vibrator. Um, sorry no- prudesaywhat?) The episode had a mother on the show talking to her 10 year old, explaining in detail the mechanics of sex.

I've always wondered exactly what I should say once the time was upon us to explain the "Birds and the Bees". And when I say "us", I mean me because there is NO WAY Jay is going to take on that task. Actually, Jay and I tend to differ on the best approach. I'm of the tell them early and often mentality and Jay... well, let me put it this way- I think he once told me that he doesn't want our kid to be the one who is the first of his/her friends to know. He wants them to be "middle of the pack".

At any rate, I've always tried to create an environment where my kids are not ashamed of their bodies. We call their "stuff" by its real name and when my kids are um, "exploring" I usually turn a blind eye.

The other day, Jack was in the bathtub and Megan and I were in the bathroom with him talking about other things, not really paying attention to him. I could hear him chattering away to himself but I didn't pay much attention until he called out something that sounded like, "penis control".

Megan started to giggle and I looked over at Jack who was sprawled out on his back in the tub and clearly had a handle on his, uh...appendage.

I asked him, "What did you say, Jack?"

Jack, still fully hands on explained, "I said that my body is a robot and my penis is the remote control. See, I just grab it and when I move it, it controls my body."

Now, I don't have a penis myself (obviously) but well, the way he was handling that thing seemed to be a bit reckless in my mind. Megan was giggling uncontrollably at this point and her eyes were huge. She leaned over and whispered to me, "Mommy, um, what is that thing under his penis that looks like a balloon?"

"It's his (gulp) testicles."

Megan squealed and when I looked back over, Jack was now taking his finger and poking at his penis; it almost looked as if he was trying to stuff it back into his body. Jack heard Megan's reaction and looked at her as if she was crazy. "What? It feels good," he said defending himself.

This put Megan over the edge, "Mooom!!!!" she wailed.

"Megan, why don't you go put on your pajamas. Leave Jack alone. It's his body and he can do what he wants with it." I told her.

I let Jack have a few more moments with to himself while I pondered what he said. "...my penis is the remote control. See, I just grab it and when I move it, it controls my body."

Double entendre, anyone?

16 comments:

The Mother said...

When they get older, I hear, it's sorta the other way around.

SF housewife said...

I will explain it to them like a doctor. ^0^

pamela said...

That was so cute and funny

For Myself said...

They really love their junk so much. And so often. And so thoroughly. It's their junk and they love it!

I absolutely howled while reading this, btw!

Ms Picket To You said...

Oh gawd. Been there.

Also: same Oprah saved on my DVR too. I watched it, gasped, cringed, thought "um? vibrator?" and also thought that ten year old girl was A-dorable. Still haven't had The Talk yet tho. Do you think that nice sex therapist could come to my house?

Nash's Mom said...

oh. my. god. too funny!

please save the oprah for me as. clearly i need to add her to tivo for this very reason!

MilesPerHour said...

Many a man has been controlled by his penis. Not good!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

http://www.amazon.com/Where-Did-Come-Peter-Mayle/dp/0818402539

I learned about sex from this book, I still have it up on my shelf and I love it. It's 70's, but it's very clear and factual with nice illustrations.

The nuns didn't like it when I brought it to school to teach the other kids, though. just FYI.

bernthis said...

i once caught my nanny telling my kid (she was about 2) not to touch "down there' b/c it's bad. You can bet i corrected her right away. Oh and i'd like a copy of that show, please

Badass Geek said...

Yikes.

He's a smart kid. Starting early.

Becca said...

i wish someone had explained the specifics to me. I got the whole what goes where thing, but it wasn't until my first time that I realized anyone needed to move once "it" was "in"...LOL!!!

Sarah said...

I'm so glad you found me on Entrecard because this story had me in tears!! lol I have 3 boys (4 and twin 10 mo. olds). I can only imagine the personal handling that's going to go on in this house that is going to make me want to crawl in a whole and die.

Kari said...

I loved that episode! I completely agreed with everything she said - but growing up with a Mom who was totally open about sex and everything associated with it, I guess I'm pretty open minded about all that stuff...

mdx3mom said...

That was a VERY good Mid-day giggle THANKS.

I do miss my kids being little saying those VERY funny things. I think that if they would say them now someone would lock them up.

Skye said...

Too funny.

Sara said...

I just had a girl in January and hope to have at least one more precious little one. In some ways I hope to have another girl, and posts like this make me want a boy because they are non-stop entertainment! Thank you for providing me with fodder for a good belly laugh today!