Tuesday, June 23, 2009


I'm starting to learn some things about myself now that I've been commuting for a couple months into Chicago on the train. I'm learning that people are fun to watch. I'm also learning that in a lot of instances, I don't like people very much. Sure, individually I like "people" just fine, but I'm finding my tolerance for people who don't follow the unwritten/unspoken social etiquette frankly just drive me nuts.

Case in point:
Yesterday I was getting on the train and the entire car was mostly empty. Now, under these conditions most people know to select a seat not RIGHT NEXT to someone else. But noooo, this guy sits down right next to me when there are like 200 other seats available- really???

Then, as we neared our stop he got up to stand by the door and no sooner had he moved then some other lady must not have liked her seat because she plopped down right next to me. She proceeded to go all narcoleptic on me and fell asleep in two seconds flat. So, my stop is coming up and she's got me jammed into my seat by the window. As the train came to a stop, I started jostling my stuff around to try to wake her up. I finally had to say to her, "Excuse me, this is my stop." Now, under these conditions most people know that the right thing to do is GET UP and let me out, then sit back down. Not this lady- she scooted her feet underneath her indicating to me that I'm supposed to step over her to get out.

Realizing that she's not going to move, I am aware that my ginormous bag I am carrying could be a lethal weapon in these conditions so as I gingerly tried to step over her, I moved my bag to my front so I wouldn't hit her in the head. In doing so, I nailed the guy in the seat in front of me right in the side of his head. As I attempted to apologize profusely to the man, I lost my focus. I moved my bag to my back and took my step to get out to the aisle. I lost my balance and in a one-two punch, I simultaneously stepped on the lady's foot and nailed her in the head with my ginormous bag. I swear, it was like a Three Stooges episode.

The lady had the audacity to give me the Stink Eye. Byotch.


The Mother said...

Common courtesy and politeness have gone the way of the dodo bird.

Which will undoubtedly be flipped at you the next time you get on the subway.

IB said...

I'd have given her an extra elbow to the cranium just to make this point: if you're going to be a dick-head you can expect to get clobbered.

For Myself said...

The man wanted you and the woman was drunk.

That's my take on it anyway.

Carolyn...Online said...

Admit it - you've been practicing that move at home with Jack and Megan.

Dana's Brain said...

I'm SO glad that story ended that way. I know you didn't "plan" it per se...but that's what I was hoping for.

PorkStar said...

Oh I am too familiar with the train ride heeby jeebies... once you get very comfortable with it, you'll just jump over people with your big bag or not... wheather they get hit or not with it, it's their problem. That's the all commuters motto. : )