Friday, July 31, 2009

I was there for less than 24 hours but a lot of my stay involved conversations about ass.

A lot of times when I try to relay a funny tale, I think it misses something in the translation. It's not quite as funny in the retelling as it was experiencing it first hand. Because of that reason, I threw out the following Twitter message:

Debating if I should blog about my Tourrettes like moment at Blogher when I yelled "ass crack" at @Carolynonline.

And then Carolyn...Online sent this back:
CarolynOnline@jwachtel Yes please. And when we did synchronized drinking. And when I scared that poor HPV lady with my ass cancer comment.

It confirmed that there was at least one other person who agreed my less-than-24-hour experience at Blogher was filled with hilarious moments. So I'm going to try to do it justice in the re-telling. First and foremost, I met Carolyn...Online and Miss Picket in real life. They are both lovely, funny, and smart and I'm so glad I went. That said, I still had the normal anxiety one might experience upon meeting someone face-to-face for the first time. I worried that perhaps I might say the wrong thing at some point and offend them, or that worse yet, maybe we'd have nothing to say to each other and there would be lots of long awkward pauses. Fortunately, that wasn't the case. While Carolyn and I waited for Darcy (Miss Picket) to arrive from her hellacious flight where a bunch of drunk firefighters got kicked off the plane because they were yelling about being late for strippers, we watched a number of bloggers read during the Friday night keynotes. Mid-way through, when Carolyn typed a note on her Blackberry that read something like, "Do you want to stay here or should we listen to this from the lobby bar?", I felt as though I'd known her in real life for much longer than the 60 minutes we'd actually known each other.

And perhaps it was because I felt as if I'd known Carolyn for an extremely long time that I involuntarily yelled out to her in a Tourrettes-like fashion, "ASS CRACK, ASS CRACK" when I literally saw some lady's ass crack walking through the lobby. In my defense, it isn't every day that one sees major crackage just hanging out there for everyone to see but believe me, this was a major oversight in fashion on this lady's part. As soon as the words flew out of my mouth, and Carolyn turned around, I thought perhaps this was going to be the moment where I said something to offend her. Carolyn looked at me, and then looked at ass crack lady for approximately 2.234 seconds before she said, "Should I take a picture of it? Would that be wrong to take a picture of it?" Kindred spirits we are, I tell you!

Next up? The lobby bar to watch the rest of the speakers and sip on our ice-cold beers and continue waiting for Darcy's plane to arrive. As we watched the speakers each one as funny, touching, and brilliant as the next, Carolyn and I drank in perfect synchronicity...literally. At one point, we both raised our beers to our mouths at exactly the same time and had a bit of a laugh over that. But in all seriousness, it's nice to be drinking with someone who is on pace with you- matching you drink for drink. (Uh, does that make me sound like a total alcoholic???)

Anyhoo...still waiting for Darcy to arrive (Where the hell are you Darcy???) and we head down to the cocktail party and took one last tour of the swag area. We made a momentary stop to hear the one minute pitch of the Pearl of Wisdom lady. She explained to us that the pins she was handing out were for cervical cancer awareness. And it was here, in this moment, where Carolyn started a sentence that ended with something along these lines (I'm paraphrasing), "and you know poor Farrah Fawcett with her ass cancer." To which I started to giggle like a 13 year-old and said something like, "Uh, that's the wrong hole." (giggle, giggle). I looked to my left to see the Wisdom of Pearl lady shifting uncomfortably as Carolyn and I continued our side conversation.

Carolyn: "Yeah, but both of those cancers are caused from that same HPV virus or something."
Me(laughing hysterically by this point): Oh...really?
Wisdom of Pearl lady (mortified): ...

Then we left the booth as fast as we could both bending over in laughter. And when I say "as fast as we could" I mean me taking 3 steps, crossing my legs and bending over so as not to wet my pants from laughing.

And FINALLY...Darcy arrived and we filled both her hands with beers to catch up with us and then snuck in through the back door of a party. So fun.


MsPicketToYou said...

And then? And then what happened?

Oh wait. I was there.

Not much sleep happened, that's what.


SF housewife said...

Sound like, you girls were having fun together. That's good.

Carolyn...Online said...

I still laugh a bit too ard when I think of that. Geez that poor woman. We should have smuggled in a beer for her.

Twenty-Something said...

hahaha i swear you guys sound like my friends and I. I wanna be you when I grow up.