Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The sound of my heart breaking

The sound of my heart breaking. It sneaks up on me sometimes when I least expect it but it happens more frequently now that I am a mother.

I suppose all moms know what I mean; that tight squeeze of your heart strings when your baby falls, or gets picked on, or well ... whatever.

The other night, as Jack scooted around our cul-de-sac, Jay, Megan and I walked around the back of the house to look at our newly built shed and ponder where the shelves should go.

About 5 minutes later, I heard Jack crying-really hard, and from inside our house, I heard him yell in a panicked voice what sounded like,"Is anyone here?!?"

I walked to the house calling his name. I assumed he must have fallen and scraped his knee but as I got closer, there was no sign of blood and all the signs of pure terror in my 5 year-old's face. "What's wrong buddy?" I asked as I scooped him up into my arms.

Jack: I (gasp)...couldn't (sob)...find...you (more sobs)
Me: Awww, did you think we left you?
Jack: (sob) Yes!
Me (looking him right in the eye): Look at me...look at me...We would NEVER leave you. Never.
Jack: Never?
Me: Never! We would never leave you behind.
Jack: But what if someone stole me away?
Me: We'd look for you until we found you.
Jack: You'd never give up?
Me: We'd NEVER give up.
Jack: What if someone put me in a box and sent me to China?
Me: Then we'd go to China and look for you until we found you.

And in that short minute, with that brief exchange, I felt it- my breaking heart. In that short moment, it was so important to me that he know, really and truly know, that we'd NEVER give up-even if it meant we had to go to China and search through boxes. I'd do it. No question.

11 comments:

Barbara said...

I watched "Taken" a few nights ago with Liam Nielson. As the mother of 2 girls, 10 and 8, I was completely horrified (the movie is about a teenage girl who goes to Paris with a friend, and is immediately kidnapped to be sold as a sex slave).

I would NEVER give up. NEVER.

Badass Geek said...

Poor kid. That must have been scary.

Julie B. said...

Awww - if he doesn't have it - maybe you should pick him up a copy of The Runaway Bunny. Your converstaion reminded me of it. Poor guy!

The Floydster said...

Poor little guy! I remember getting separated from my mom at a store one time; I guess we all have some sort of memories like that.

Twenty-Something said...

Awwww! Well thats just the cutest saddest thing ever! I totally remember when my worst nightmares were getting separated from my mommy at the grocery store! Poor thing!

Dana's Brain said...

Oh, that's such a tough one! Poor kid. I know just what you mean about the heart. Curse of parenting!

Carolyn...Online said...

Man that even upset me. I would go to China with you guys to search through the bozes!

Anonymous said...

Heart wrenching. M

Lori said...

Sheesh- that was horrid, even vicariously.

Lisa N. said...

I just stumbled over from the BlogHer sidebar and am misty just reading this. What a moment.

Corina said...

Never. Ever. I can so relate to this post. Separation KILLS me. Anytime in a movie when kids get separated from someone, I cry like a baby. This post made me cry too.