Monday, December 28, 2009

2009 in review- Jack edition


In keeping with the annual review, here are what I consider to be the "best of" Jack's comments from 2009. I had a hard time choosing which to highlight but three things are apparent,
1) This kid is hilarious (but might be watching too much TV).
2) He loves his Momma!!!
3) He's obsessed with babies.


Jack: Why don't girls have a penis? Me: Because girls have
vaginas. Jack: What's an Angina?

Jack:Why does the cleaning lady talk weird? Me: It's not weird,
she has an accent. Jack: She had an accident?? Me: No, an accent.

During wrestling, Megan tossed Jack and he fell into Grandma.
Jack: Megan! No falling into old people!

Jack (frustrated with his Nintendo DS): I can't do this. It won't
work! Megan: So you are going to cry about it? Jack: NO! WRONG GUESS!!!

Jack showing me a raisin: Is this how tiny babies are to start?
Me: Yup. Jack eating the raisin: Look Mom, I just ate your baby!

Jack: I think I am having a baby. I feel something moving. Meg:
Boys don't have babies. Jack: Maybe it's a tapeworm.

Jack: God made us all different so when like, kids are on a bus
the parents won't pick up the wrong kid.

Jack: When you die, will you and Dad die together? Me:Probably not.
Jack: Who'll die first? Me: I don't know. Jack: I guess we'll have to wait and see.
Me: Uh...

The world according to Jack: "Bathrooms are private and no one
can bust you there for pulling down your pants."

Jack at the animal park: "I am tired of looking at birds. I want
to see something that eats birds."

Megan to Jack: How long were you crying about it? Jack: I don't
know...I can't tell time, yet!

Jack(processing his aunt's pregnancy):When the baby is hungry, it
swims up to the boobs for food. Me: Uh, not exactly...

Jack: Mom, did you know a beautiful girl is a baby? Me: Uh, you
mean a "babe"? Jack: Oh, yeah...that's what I meaned.

Jay refering to his dry skin: I need to lube up. Jack: What's a
loo butt?

Watching the kids play in the cul-de-sac. Jack just tripped and
fell and started yelling, "Man down! Man down!"

Me: Jack I think I need to give you a zerbert. Jack: No!!! I
don't like perverts!

Megan: Yahoo and Yoohoo are basically the same.
Jack: No, Yoohoo means hello and Yahoo is what cowboys say when they ride.

Jack called me to the top of the stairs & weepily said,"I've been
keeping a secret from you for a very long time...I'm afraid of the dark."

Jack quote of the day: It's not nice to call someone fat but you
can say they have a glandular problem, right?

Jack: I know how you get a baby. Me:Really? How? Jack:When you really
want one,you say with all your parts you want a baby & God hears you & gives you one.

Jack: Johnny Test is educational...Did you know there are more
dust mites in a little boy's room than all the people on the planet?
Me:...??

Jack this morning: Mom, can you scratch my butt? Me: Uh, ok.
Jack: Can you scratch up in the crack where it's itchiest? Me: No way!

Jack: You know what I'll say at people's parties?
Mama Mia! That's a good sandwich!

Jack about his first day of kindergarten: "If someone in my class
has a mullet,I won't say they have a bad haircut because that would be
mean."

Jack just came over to snuggle and told me to "shake my lady
lumps". I think I need to ban him from the Black Eyed Peas.

Random thoughts by Jack, "I sometimes wish my underwear had
pockets."

Me: This room is a disaster, you need to clean it up. Jack: I can
do that in a jiffy of a time!

This morning... Me: Bye Jack. Have a good day at school. Jack:
Bye Mom! You have a good day at work (pause,pause). Don't get fired! Me:
???

Putting Jack to bed- Jack:Mommy,you know why I love you the
most?Me:Why? Jack: Because when I was borned, you were the first person I
knew.

Jack asked me which Bakugan I like. Me:The one with the small
head. Jack:You shouldn't pick on how they look,you should pick on
personality!

Upon seeing his Bampa, Jack shoved his hand down the back of
Bampa's pants.Bampa: What are you doing??Jack: I'm trying to give you a
wedgie!

Jack showed me a plastic spider this morning and told me, "But
this one only has climbing instincts. It doesn't shoot webs or anything."

After getting our new dog...Me: So what do you think of George?
Jack: I like him. I think me and him will be best pals!

Took dog out to pee and I looked over to see Jack peeing on a
tree. When I asked him what he was doing he responded, "That's what guys
do!"

Megan ignored a question from Jack. Jay: Megan why did you ignore Jack?
Jack:Because that's what big sisters do. They ignore their little brothers.

Jack just looked at me and asked, "Did you make me barf on a
plate last night?" (For the record, it was a bowl...)

Deep thoughts by Jack. Me: What are you thinking about Jack? You
look like you are deep in thought. Jack: (pause...pause...) A sandwich.

Jack after watching James Bond:The inappropriate part was when
James Bond kissed the girl and then she started stripping down.Is that
weird?

Watched Home Alone w/ the kids.When a burglar gets nailed in the
face w/ a hot iron,Jack turned to us and said,"That's gonna leave a mark!"

Listening to the song Halo in the car w/ Jack. Jack:What's a
Halo? Me:It's a... Jack(interrupting me):Is it another word for your
privates?

Jack as he watched his dog uh..."Clean himself": Look at George
clean himself! He must think he tastes good!

Jack just told me he thinks his privates look like a Hersey's
Kiss. I don't even know what to say to that.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

2009 in review- Megan edition


I use Twitter to capture quickly some of the funny or interesting things Megan and Jack say. Here are some of my favorites from Megan in 2009. In reading through her comments from 2009, three things things became apparent.
1)She's an 18 year-old, trapped in an 8 year-old's body.
2)She has a freakish sense of smell.
3) She has specific opinions about certain countries, states, or sets of people.


Jay: Why don't you wear headbands? Meg: They are for kids. Jay:
Your mom wears them. Meg: Yeah, but she's old, old.

Argument of the day-Meg: when will I be 5 ft tall? Me: uh,
probably Jr. High. Meg(crying): U R mean! Me: huh? Meg: U R calling me
short!

Megan shut the car door on Jack's face this morning. Me: Megan!!!
Megan: What? Don't yell at me! He put his face there! It's not my fault.

Meg: can I have a cookie or two? Me: you can have a cookie. Meg:
did you say cookie or cookie plural as in two? Me:did you just say plural?

Megan: I wish I lived in Tibet. Me: Why? Megan: Because it is a
peaceful nation...(pause)..too bad they don't kill animals to eat there.

Megan touching hood of my coat: ewww. Me: It's faux fur. Megan:
what do you mean it's gopher?!?

Feeling sorry for Megan's future husband. "I don't like those
crier guys. The guys who cry are creepy."

Megan just told us she thinks Yoda is "hot". I'm thinking we
should be concerned.

Pathetic person alert: When Tatiana was kicked off American Idol,
I jumped up, screamed YES!! and tried to high 5 Megan who left me hanging.

Made the mistake of asking Megan how her lunch was yesterday.
She got weepy and told me the bagel was "disgusting" and "un-eatable".

Megan might be 30 but trapped in a 7 YO body.I asked how the
party was she went to and she responded, "It was a party I won't soon
forget!"

Upon hearing me attempt to sing along to the radio with hoarse
voice, Megan told me I "sound like a dying seal."

Megan: Do you know what a skort is? Me: Yeah. Megan: It's like a
mullet for your butt.

Meg to Jay:Look at the dress Mom bought. Can you picture her in
this? Jay: Yes I can. Meg: Do you like the picture you see?!?

Humbling moment after making breakfast-Me: Who's the best mom in
the world? Jack: YOU ARE!!! Megan: To be honest, I really don't know.

Megan (about Jack): Now that is one of the weirdest
outfits...Hey, I'm just speakin' the truth!

Megan: "This will be my favorite vacation...as long as no one
ends up dying." Me: "Uh, what?!?"

Megan: I don't like my underwear.Jay: Sounds like a personal
problem. Megan: Hey, I'm just throwing it out there.

Discussing some random guy's creepy hat. Megan
sings to the Ricola commercial tune: Freeeeeak-ola.

Jack in the car: Can I unbuckle my seat belt? Jay:No. Jack: But
Mommy did it...Megan:Yes, Jack but Mommy's okay with dying.

Megan's observation of the morning, "You smell like coffee and
Grandma's pull out couch."

Meg:What if you had 1 hour and 2 halves? Me: You mean 2 hours? Meg:
No. 1 hour and 2 halves. Me:2 halves equal 1. Meg: Oh, just leave it
alone!

Megan: Mom, you know that soup I like with the double noodles and
chicken? Me: Uh huh... Megan: That is what your shirt smells like. Me:???

Kids watching recording of Australian Wipeout. Megan: Those
Australians are weird!! They wear such short shorts!

Megan: I think that person likes church. Me: Why? Megan: Because
they have a huge picture of Jesus in their car. (And they did...)

Apologies to all you Wisconsin folks...Jay: We're in Wisconsin.
Megan: You can tell by the way it smells. Jay: Cheesy? Megan: No. Dirty.

Love listening to kids.Jack:Did U know Fairy World is in
space?Megan:Uh yeah!Fairy WORLD is *obviously* a different world so it's in
space.

Megan upon seeing a dog in church at her reconciliation: Maybe
the dog is here for reconciliation. Maybe he pooed on the carpet.

Listening to Kris Allen's song "Live like were dying". Megan: So
I guess that means you'd sit around on your couch and watch TV then?

Jack explaining blow-by-blow details of lost toy. Megan's
response, "Save your breath.We get it.It's lost." Miss Sensitive strikes
again.

Megan after looking at price tag w/ US & Canada pricing: I feel so bad for Canadians. Everything there is way more expensive!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

All Jack wants for Christmas is a guitar...and some endurance.

Here is Jack rocking out to some Jingle Bells. I know it appears he may be suffering from a severe form of eczema on his chest but that's really just his version of an air guitar.

I also think I might need to add a bit more exercise to his daily activities seeing as he can't make it more than 26 seconds before he's exhausted.