Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010 year in review- Megan edition

Here are my favorite Megan tweets from 2010.

Classic from Megan: "I can skateboard...ish."

Words of advice from Megan: If you're gonna be a criminal, you need to be a *smart* criminal.

Megan: Can we move? Me: Where do you think you'd want to move? Megan: Wheretheheckistan Me: ???

Megan to Jay last night, "I've seen pictures of you with hair...you are doing just fine without it."

Now I know why Megan doesn't have crushes, yet. She's describing boys in her class w/ words like "eraser-eater" "mold-grower" and "smelly".

Megan's comment after I got done telling her the dog ate poo and  vomited it back up..."Really? Um, what's for dinner?" What the...

Listening to Megan's iPod. Me: Uh, is this song Detroit Rock City??? Megan: What's wrong with having a little KISS on my iPod? (She's 8)

Morning discussion on climate vs. weather. Megan:But how do you determine the average? By the mean, median, or the mode? (Again...she's 8!!)

Megan: I'm bored.Me: Well, your brother just started watching a movie about an Alaskan sled dog if you want to wat...Megan:LAME!!! Me:*sigh*

Megan told me this morning she's decided on the name for her future-band, G.S.A. (Godzilla Strikes Again).

Me dropping the back of Megan's earring + Me suggesting using a pencil eraser instead=Megan wailing"I don't wanna wear an eraser in my ear!"

Apparently Megan didn't enjoy the sandwich Jay brought home forher. Here's the note she left.


Jay(re:new babysitter): Her parents want to meet us. Megan: Why? Jay: Just tomake sure we aren't creeps. Megan :Then maybe we should get rid of the ugly tile in the kitchen.

Megan discussing a movie she watched: Well, it wasn't that scary. It just wasn't that pleasant.

Me:Megan, have you been tickling the ivories? Megan: What does that mean? Me: It means playing the piano. Megan: Don't ever use that phrase again.

Megan: Next year, in student council, I want to have a job with a lot of power...and where I can argue...I'm a good at arguing.

Megan: Jack told Dad he wanted to play the violin or the flute and Dad said no way...he basically crushed his dreams.

Me: Do you need some glow sticks for your party? Megan: No! Glow sticks are for babies. We just run around hoping we don't bump into each other.

Megan: Mom, why are you soooo white? You are either white...or red. (Aaaand there you have it- she was put on this planet to humble me.)

Megan & Jack arguing about Meg breaking his Lego set. Meg: Yeah, yeah it's all my fault. Jack:Don't be sarcastic! Meg:My life IS sarcasm...

Hour 2 of today's drive- Jack is claiming Megan said the word ass. Megan is mad because a) she said axe, not ass and b) Jack said ass.

Watched So You Think You Can Dance finale with Megan. Her reaction to winner was, "I think I just had a combination of WHAT?!? And WHY?!?"

Jay asked Megan how she liked the babysitter's driving. Her response? "She drives like you...but without the screaming."

Me: did you finish your math homework? Megan: I know the answer but I still need to write the extended response. (Yeah, she said that).

Jack was talking about his friend who has the "old #9 Bears football card". Megan turned and said, "The punky QB???"

Trying on clothes with Megan. According to her, "Things with glitter on them are totally against my policy."


Jay putting Megan to bed. Jay: I love you. Silence. Jay: How bout I like you? Silence. Jay: I tolerate you? Meg: Yeah. Let's go with that.


Me to Megan after seeing her huge bowl of cereal: Wow! That's a lot of cereal! Megan: Well, I'm a lot of hungry. Me: Fair enough.

2010 in review- Jack edition

Here is the list of my favorite tweets that had to do with Jack.

Jack's wearing a hooded sweatshirt backwards. Megan: what's up w/ your shirt? Jack(enthusiastically): It's a Snuggie!!

Jack made a few changes to his usual McDonalds order then declared, "in 2010 there is going to be a lot of changes for me."

Jack just asked if a guy was Don Knotts. When we looked, he said, "Made ya look!!!" (He's 6-how does he know who Don Knotts even is???)

Jack this morning: It took me too long to come downstairs because I had the longest pee in history and then George wanted some loving.

Jack said the dog came over and sat beside him and said, "Jack, my life is hard." Jack's reply: I told him my life is hard too.

My heart is breaking. Jack just asked Megan, "Do you wish you had a life without me?"

According to Jack, this is what Plumbers look like when they are fixing the sink.
 

While lounging on a chair, Jack just told me, "Getting up is sooooo last year."

Jack after coming back from the bathroom: I took a sixty. Me: What's a sixty? Jack: It's a reeeaaalllyyy long pee.

Words of wisdom by Jack. After looking at Jack's report card Jay asked: Why do you think you did so well? Jack: By being cool.

Talking about take your kids to work day and Jack turns to me, "I'm not sayin' *your* job is boring, but for a kid, it's probably boring."

Jack:When I grow up,I'm going to have lots of jobs & then I'm going to quit them.Then I will sing a song called,"It's none of your beeswax."

Me:You should write down lyrics to your songs. Jack:I just got another song idea. Me:What? Jack:It's a song called"stop telling me lyrics".

Jack: I'm not saying this to be mean, but uh...intelligent adults should be smart enough not to argue.

Jack after showing me his Lego creation that "cuts people in half":Mom, I know what you are thinking.I've taken it a bit too far this time.

Jack:I love George. He's a little good, a little bad, a little snuggly, and a little mean. He's the perfect dog!

Jack:You should wear make-up when you want to get a boyfriend.Then they see you and say,"Oooh, I've gotta date her!That's what I'd say."

Jack: On bikes, you actually need a helmet. On a scooter, they are more of an accessory.

Jack: Mom, you used to be bossy like Dad but when I was a baby in your tummy, I moved the veins of your heart to make you nicer.

Jack to his Karate teacher:I know a stance you haven't taught us yet (does Karate Kid move)...It's for kicking people in the face.

Jack after waiting a minute for Megan at the park: Can't you just ditch her? Just ditch her Mom.

Jack just took a bowl from the dishwasher and informed me,"This bowl is hot! Not sexy hot, just hot." Then Jack went on to say,"You should only have crushes on girls who are sexy hot. That's the best crush you can get. The sexy hot kind."

Jack: When I get old my rock n roll nickname will be Flaming Cut in Half Herron…actually Flaming Falcon. It's easier to remember.

Put Jack to bed tonight and I noticed he was wearing 2 pairs of underwear."I didn't have time to change this morning so I had to double it."

Jack:My favorite word is rad. My 2nd favorite is mathematical, and my 3rd favorite is shmowzow.Me:What's shmowzow?Jack:Dunno. Look it up.

At swim store and Jack keeps calling speedos 'water undies'.

Out of the blue Jack comes over to me and says


"I'm gonna give u some advice. Never trust anyone w/ a monocle."Alright then…

I'm not sure what to make of this but Jack just told me his "safe word" is butter-nut.

According to Jack, the Revolutionary War was "stupid" because they "should have just worked it out."

Enjoying listening to Jay explain Rocky Mountain oysters to the kids."Do U know what nuts are?" Jack: Is it the pink thing hanging under?

Jack pointing at cigars: Can I get one of those? Me:What are you going to do with it? Jack: I'm going to use it for its purpose!

Me: Jack where do you want your noodles? Jack: In my mouth.  (Whatever smarty pants)

Picture day today. Jack: I'm going to brush my teeth real good so I don't have bugs and dirt on them. And I don't want to get suspended.

Jack: I'm not scared of anything...except clowns...and monster babies.


Putting Jack to bed he cries out: Manhug! Jay: How do you feel about that? Jack: 50% awesome 50% lame.
 
Playing I Spy. Can't find Jack's. Jack: This is probably one of the worst performances of my career and you guys can't get it.




Megan playing around on the treadmill and I told her it's not a toy. Jack came to her defense and said, "She just wants to get worked out!"

Jack got serious air on a hill while going over a bump sledding today and proclaimed, "Today I broke an impossibility. I flew."

Monday, September 20, 2010

His educational career is off to a bit of a slow start

It's going to be a long year.  Scratch that- it's probably going to be a long educational career for Jack in general.  He seems to prefer to do the bare minimum and I fear it may be a trait that he carries through high school/college.  To my point, I'm providing exhibit A below.  This is Jack's first homework assignment in first grade. 



The instructions were clear. He was to write his answers within each of the apples and then decorate the page.  I knew I was in trouble when he said he didn't want to write "play football" in the I Like To... area because "it was too much to write". *sigh*

What's that you say? Where are the decorations on the page? Oh, let me share with you my few favorite points:
1) Jack's favorite color is red.  I love how his "decoration" consists of a single red scribble.
2) Jack's favorite food is meat. Yup, that's it...just meat. And he drew the chicken drumstick to prove it.
3) Lastly, the rawhide Jack drew to symbolize his dog in the pet category, and the numbers 1 & 2 to show math as is favorite subject are just genius as far as I'm concerned.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

That information just isn't worth a chicken tender.

Jack is growing up.  Right before my eyes, I see him shifting from that super-sensitive, cuddly little boy into an independent little guy.  In some ways, it makes me sad because now those hugs and kisses I used to get so freely take a bit of begging on my part to get.  I noticed the other day that he never talks about any of the girls in his class- only the boys.  So I asked him about it while we were eating dinner.

Me: Do you ever talk to the girls in your class?
Jack: No.
Me: Why not?
Jack: They never ask me any questions.
Me: Huh...
Jay: He knows how to attract girls if he wants.
Me: Really? 
Jack: Yeah.
Me: What kind of moves do you have to attract the girls?
Megan: Yes. What are they???
Jack: I'm not telling.
Me: Seriously?  Why not?
Jack: (shrugging his shoulders)
Megan: What if I give you a chicken tender? Would you tell us then?
Jack: No way!  A chicken tender only lasts about 20 minutes and you want me to tell you something that lasts a lifetime???

Friday, September 10, 2010

Now that's what I call High Maintenance

At times, I must say I'm afraid for Megan's future spouse. Truly. From the outside, she doesn't appear to be high maintenance, but she really is.  It reminds me of that scene from When Harry Met Sally where Sally is ordering pie in the diner.  Yesterday Megan wanted some lemonade and here is how it went:

Megan: I want some lemonade.
Me: We are out of the cans of lemonade.
Megan: I don't want the kind in the pouch. 
Me: Hmmm...Oh, here.  We have some Crystal Light pink lemonade.
Megan: I don't want pink lemonade.  How about the other kind that is in that other cabinet.
Me: Okay.
(5 minutes pass while I make a jug of the yellow lemonade and pour Megan a glass)
Megan: This doesn't taste good.  It tastes like water that someone squeezed a lemon in.
Me:...
Megan: Can you add some sugar?
Me: No- that's what the mix is for.  I can add more mix to it.
(1 minute goes by as I add more mix to her drink and she takes a sip)
Megan: Eeewww.  This is too lemon-y.  That's why I wanted you to add sugar.
Me: How about you pour out some of the drink and add more water.
Megan: No.  I don't want lemonade anymore.
Me: Really? REALLY??!!!????

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Conversation of the morning...

Good Morning America is on the TV as I'm making breakfast.

Jack: Mom, they just said on TV that a dude is trying to marry another dude.
Me: Uh huh.
Jack: Has that ever happened?  A dude marrying another dude?
Me: Uh huh.
Jack: What about a girl marrying another girl?  Has that ever happened?
Me: Uh huh.
Jack (walking out of the kitchen): Whoa.

...Aaaannnd scene.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

New school year, new thoughts from Jack

Oh, Jack- my funny, funny child. Every day he says something interesting. It's like he has this internal monologue that has no filter so we just get everything he's thinking first hand.

Here are some examples just from the last 24 hours:

This morning was his first day of first grade. As I prepared his breakfast, he mused about what first grade would be like. He was focused on where he would sit and said,"I want to get to the front of the class. Sitting close to the front will be the best place to see, hear, and learn!"

Then tonight he was petting our dog, George. George started to lick Jack's hand and he looked up and said, "George is getting Jiggy with it!"

And when Jay was putting Jack to bed, Jack was explaining to Jay that he needed a catch phrase. When Jay asked him why, he said he needs it for when he does "stuff that is awesome."

Man, I love that kid!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

It's been a looonnng summer

Megan is bored and really is dying to go back to school...clearly.
I saw this on our home computer today:

Saturday, June 19, 2010

A brief discussion on puberty

This morning as Jack was getting ready, he lifted up his shirt and announced, "I have chest hair! Look Mom, look at my chest hair." As he turned around, he actually pointed at his stomach and not his chest.

"I don't think you have any chest hair quite yet." I said.

Jack continued, "When I start to get hair in my armpits, I'm not going to shave it."

I explained to him that most men don't shave their armpits and he went on to tell me how he wanted his arm pits to be really hairy.

"Well" I said. "It will be quite a while until you have hair on your body. When you are a teenager, your body will start to change. They call it going through puberty."

Just as I was saying this to Jack, Megan came strolling in as the word "puberty" was coming out of my mouth."

Her response?

"Oh man... are you talking about puberty...again???"

Sunday, June 13, 2010

That might not be the best gift for Father's Day... or maybe it is...

There has been a lot of talk lately around our house about what types of movies are acceptable to watch. Jack was asking me and Megan today about the ratings of movies.

Jack: I think I know what PG-13 means.
Me: Really? What?
Jack: It means you have to get your parents to say it's okay to watch the movie.
Megan: Actually, here is the ratings. G means general audiences. PG is for parental guidance. PG-13 means parental guidance but that you should be over 13.
Me:... (amazed that she knows that amount of detail)
Megan: And I think R means for big people only, right?
Me: Yup. It means it's restricted.
Megan: Isn't there a movie rating for X?
Me: Uh, yeah...
Megan: What is X for?
Me: That means it is for adults only. No exceptions.
Megan: But what if you wanted to buy a movie that was rated X? Like if I was going to buy it for Dad for Father's Day.
Me: Um, I don't think they would let you do that.
Megan: Even if I went to the store and said, "Um yes- I am looking for a Father's Day present for my dad. I think he would like this movie and so I'd like to buy it for him."
Me: (giggling)
Megan: Why are you laughing??? Don't you think Dad would like that?
Me: Uh...well...

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Prayers by Jack

One of these days, I'm going to video tape Jack saying our dinner prayer. For some reason, he's started to enjoy saying grace on behalf of our family. And it's hilarious. He sprinkles in totally random things. But tonight was dfferent. When Jay asked Jack if he wanted to say the prayer, he responded with the following:

"The prayer machine is out of order, please insert another quarter."

Uh...

Also, this has nothing to do with the story above, but I absolutely love this picture of Jack.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Typical email conversation between me and my husband

From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 2010 7:11 AM
To: Jay
Subject: Today- a task for your "honey do" list

I found another paystub of yours. So I think we have the 5/7( up in the office) and 5/21 (on the counter in the kitchen) stubs. Can you:
1) Make copies of the two pay stubs
2) Make a copy of your driver’s license(front and back)
3) Fax those, along with the entire folder sitting on the desk in the office today?


From: Jay
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 2010 9:39 AM
To: Me
Subject: RE: Today- a task for your "honey do" list

1. Made the copies of 1 and 2
2. Cannot get our home copier to fax or scan so I will need to go to school and try it.
3. Please do not use the words 'honey do list'

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Sometimes it's hard to share

Megan: A kid in my class was telling me his birthday is the same day as Mother's Day.
Me: Oh really?
Megan: Uh huh. And he said he didn't like it because he didn't like having to share the holiday. I told him I could totally relate to that.
Me: What do you mean?
Megan: Well, my birthday is on Father's Day. FATHER'S DAY! I don't like that!
Me: Why not?
Megan: Because I have to share the day with him. Ugh!!! And by the way, as far as I can tell, I'll never be a father so I shouldn't have to celebrate on Father's Day.
Me: Think about how your dad feels.
Megan: Huh?
Me: I mean, think about it from his perspective. He's got to share his holiday with you. And seriously? If I was him I'd be bummed out. I'm sure he thinks your birthday will pretty much trump any Father's Day celebration we have planned.
Megan:...
Me:...
Megan (softly): Oh...

...And scene. Empathy teaching moment complete.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

According to Jack, people are nicer to nice people

After picking up Jack from school the other day, we were driving to get lunch. We were headed to McDonald's and Jack was anticipated the toy he would get in his Happy Meal. He announced, "I hope I get the silver dragon toy." I mentioned to him not to be surprised if he got the same toy as he did the last time since his nanny had just happened to take him there a couple days before. I tried to prepare him by saying, "You might get the same toy since it's only been a couple days since L brought you to McDonald's, you know."

As he looked out the window, he began the following monologue:

"I know. L just took me there the other day. I didn't get a Happy Meal then, though. I was playing in the play place and the other girl with us got a dragon toy in her Happy Meal. L asked me if I wanted it so I got to keep it. L is really nice. She's a nice person...I think she's nice to me because I'm a good kid. So I think people are nicer to nice people.I'm almost always happy, you know. I'm happy about, um, 96...no...110...well, maybe it's about 99% of the time I'm happy. Megan isn't as happy as I am. Sometimes, when she comes home from school, she walks in the door and kind of grunts...like this, 'Heeellllooooooggggrrrrhhh'. She's kind of got an attitude."

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A life lesson learned.


Megan was telling me about the two things she wants for her birthday. According to her, "I only want two things for my birthday. Just two things- an iPod Touch, and a RipStik." (See the picture? That is a RipStik. It's basically a strange looking skateboard.)

Megan emphasized, "Those are the only two things I want." When I didn't say anything to that, she continued, "And they aren't even that expensive. They are only like fifty bucks."

I heard Jack gasp, "FIFTY BUCKS?!? Megan... that is a lot of money!"

After a couple of rounds of, "No, it's not" from Megan and "Yes, it is so a lot of money" from Jack, Megan stopped and turned to Jack. She looked him in the eye and provided him with this life lesson, "Jack, you need to learn that nothing in life is free!"

Um, yeah... did I mention she's eight?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

The word maybe and what it actually means around here

As we were driving in the car, Jay and Jack were discussing something and the word maybe came up.

Jay: Just because I say the word maybe, doesn't always mean yes.
Jack: Yes it does.
Me: Who in our family says the word maybe when they really mean yes?
Jack: You do.
Me: Um, yeah. I suppose I do. That's a bad habit.
Jack: That's a habit I don't want you to break. You should keep doing it.

Friday, April 16, 2010

My little Karate Kid


Jack is taking Karate. He's talked about it for a while but the time has finally come. He told me today that he feels like he's "better at Karate when I wear the uniform."

Towards the end of his first class, he raised his hand. The "Sensei" called on him. "Uh, I know a move that you haven't taught us, yet." Jack said.

"Really? Which one?" replied his Sensei.

"This one." Jack proceeded to take the stance of the famous Karate Kid movie pose.


When his Sensei didn't respond, Jack added for emphasis, "That move is for kicking people in the face."

Kinda makes a mother proud.

Monday, April 12, 2010

It's kind of like a GPS, really.

Over the Easter weekend, we stopped by Jack's Grandma and Bampa's house. We walked around the house and it appeared everyone was out doing other things. So Jack and I sat down out on the back porch to make ourselves comfortable and wait for people to return.

After a few minutes, Jack got up and walked over to the back window.
Jack (pointing out the back window): I think everyone is out that way.
Me: Really? What makes you think that?
Jack: Because my penis in tingling. And it's pointing in that direction.
Me: ...
Jack: My penis can do that, you know? My penis is kind of like a compass.
Me:...

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

This Easter, a non-believer was among us.

I can't recall exactly how old I was when I realized the Easter Bunny wasn't real, maybe 6 or so? I do recall a couple years where I didn't believe, but acted like I did. But this Easter was officially where Megan turned the corner to a non-believer. And I chalk it up to her being overly observant. As the sequence of events unfolded, I saw Megan adding up each new fact until there was no doubt.

It all started Easter Sunday as we came back from church to Grandma and Bampa's house. All it took was three facts:

Fact 1: The Easter Bunny's handwriting looks too much like Aunt Lori's.
As we walked up the stairs, it appeared the Easter Bunny left a note for all the kids. The note mentioned how while we were at church, the Easter Bunny stopped back and left a bunch of eggs for our Easter egg hunt. Megan took one look at the note, turned to me and said, "That looks a lot like Aunt Lori's handwriting."

Fact 2: The Easter Bunny doesn't love you, Grandma does.
After Megan noticed the handwriting, she scrutinized the note a bit more. At the end of the note, the "Easter Bunny" wrote, "I love you!". Megan turned to me with authority and said, "Hey. They Easter Bunny doesn't love us, Grandma does!" I could see the wheels turning in her head as she processed the fact that Grandma had been at church with us so although Grandma does love her, she couldn't have been the one to leave the note. Megan quickly reconciled this in her head with going back to fact #1 and also noting that in fact, her Aunt Lori loves them, too.

Fact 3: If the Easter Bunny is going to thank you for carrots you left out, you actually have to leave carrots out.
The last part of the note thanked the kids for leaving out carrots to eat and next to the note was a plate of half-eaten carrots. After Megan rattled off her first two facts, she said with a certain finality, "And the last things, is... we didn't even leave carrots out!"

I talked with Megan about it later and wondered if she would be upset at her discovery but more than anything, I think she was relieved. She's always been a bit mature for her age and I'm sure for years she's been pondering how in the world a gigantic rabbit can leave all those eggs...and write notes without opposable thumbs.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

What is that guy doing???

Last night we went out for dinner in our downtown area. Afterwards, as we walked to the car, we did a little shopping. Megan and Jay were inside a store finishing up a purchase while Jack and I stayed outside to wait for them.

All of a sudden, Jack gets this wide-eyed look on his face and calls out to me, "What is that guy doing???" I look to my right and I see this guy:

Well, not exactly the guy from the picture above but imagine a similar guy, in the middle of a semi-crowded street, a little taller, wearing a black trench coat, with red hair. And he is running top speed down the street. I had to fight back my urge to yell out, "Run Forrest, run!"

But that wasn't even the weirdest thing about the scene. This guy was running top speed down the street with...a bag of CHEESE POPCORN! It was so bizzare!

I looked at Jack and I started laughing. "I have no idea what that just was." I said. Jack shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Well, maybe he was an Arabian knight who traveled through time."


***(image from http://sazza.com/id2.html)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Tonight when I put Jack to bed, the topic was movies.
Me: Jack, if someone asked you if your family likes movies more than most people, the same as most people, or less than most people, what would you say?
Jack: More than most! Our family looooves movies, right Mom?
Me: Yup. We sure do watch a lot of movies.
Jack: What is your favorite movie?
Me: It's a movie called Say Anything.
Jack: What is it about?
Me: It's about a boy who likes a girl and how he tries to win her over.
Jack: Oh, so he wants her? The boy wants her?
Me: Um, I guess so...
Jack: So basically it's a chick flick then, huh?

I swear, sometimes I wonder where he gets this stuff!

Friday, March 12, 2010

He said, she said

An excerpt from an email Jay sent to a friend:

He said:

A few weeks back Jen and the kids were doing a massive basement cleanup and throwing away multiple garbage bags of toys. This makes me happy and I just stay away. Later that weekend I was taking out the trash on Sunday night. I noticed through the thin white plastic of a garbage bag the unmistakable outline of a Celtics jersey. I moved closer only to notice that my lovely wife of 12 years was throwing out my stuffed Larry Bird doll without my consent or knowledge. Granted that thing has always creeped her out but that is not grounds for an undignified disposal of a 20" stuffed legend. I ripped the bag open and marched it back in the house demanding an explanation. She stated the obvious, "You are 38. It is a creepy stuffed Larry Bird with a face that looks too real. What are you going to do with it?" I told her that I wasn't sure what I was going to do with it but you simply cannot go to the store and buy such an item so it must be saved.

She said:

Here's the doll...I'm sure if we took this to The Marriage Ref, I would win. Hands down.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

I have to disagree. I think Mexican's like people from Illinois

Tonight, Megan was using Babel Fish to translate English phrases to Spanish and was totally cracking up the whole time. As Jack listened to us, he asked if we could ever go to Mexico.

Me: Sure. Maybe someday we can go. Megan: But we won't know what they are saying.
Me: Well, I know enough Spanish to get by so I think we'd be fine.
Megan: But what if they were swearing at us in Spanish? We wouldn't know what they were saying.
Me: Why would they do that?
Megan: I dunno. Maybe because we are from Illinois?
Me: ???

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Jack's American Idol try out

Ah yes, Jack and my video camera have met once again. In this installment, we have Jack, a boy who wants so very, very much to put food on his table by trying out for American Idol. You have to appreciate the creativity of the initial "voice over" to set the scene. And then... he just begins to sing his little heart out to his self-composed "Stranded on the Streets". He's so into it that he doesn't even realize that spit came flying out of his mouth at 1:28 in the video. And seriously? The fade out at the end? Genius.

Although, I do feel quite bad about one thing. As we watched the playback on my video camera, I started to giggle a bit. Jack just looked at me with his big blue eyes and said, "Mommy, it's not funny. I tried my very, very best."

Ahem... Mother-guilt kicking in in 3-2-1...

Saturday, February 6, 2010

MLK day- A little bit different this time around

Before I had kids, I had an inkling there was a chance that they could be different. I mean, my brother and I were quite different when we were growing up so I figured that it was a possibility for my offspring as well. But I guess you never quite fully realize it until you experience it.

Over the years, I've noticed numerous differences between Megan and Jack. They are each their own unique beings and I love that about them. Now that Jack is in Kindergarten, I find that I'm able to see some of the differences more distinctly since Megan's already been through the same stage in life. It's even more apparent now that Jack is having some of the same projects or activities in school that Megan did.

Case in point- let's take MLK day. Megan and Jack's school has an "I have a dream" activity where the kids share what they would envision the world to be like in their dream. A couple years ago, I was somewhat surprised by Megan's thoughts on this because it seemed quite deep for a six-year old. She put:

"If I had a dream, I would make sure all the women of the world could show their faces. I could help by talking to our President about that."

She was referring to the women in Afghanastan that are required to wear the burkas.

Now, on the other hand, Jack put:

"If I had a dream, I wish all the kids in the world had Lego sets."

See? Different. So there you have it.

Monday, February 1, 2010

It's called hailing, or something kind of like that

Some of my favorite moments are just sitting back and listening to Jack's stream of thoughts that he verbalizes. I love the way his mind works and I had the perfect opportunity to just sit back and listen this weekend. We went to a water park in Wisconsin** and I floated along the lazy river with Jack and a friend of his. As we rounded one of the corners, Jack noticed something that looked like a cross between a hard water stain, and something else that I can only describe as gooey.

Jack: Hey Nick! Look at that.
Nick: What?
Jack: That over there, on the wall. It looks like somebody hailed on it.
Me: Hailed?
Jack: Uh huh. Nick, do you know what "hailing" means?
Nick: No.
Jack: It means when somebody throwed up on it.
Me: I think you mean hurled, not hailed.
Jack: Yeah, they hurled on it.

**Side note: I was hesitant to squeeze my post-holiday binge body into a tight swimsuit in preparation for the water park festivities. I likened me "slipping" into my swimsuit to feel more like stuffing a sausage into its delicate casing but honestly, one look at the crowd and I was feeling pretty good. In other words, not a lot if swimsuit models seem to frequent water parks. So I've got that going for me-n which is nice.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

"The Talk"- Attempt Number One

Well, that didn't go the way I had hoped. *sigh*

I heard from a couple sources (neighbor & nanny)that there is a boy on Megan's bus who told her he wanted to "have sex" with her. I didn't want to appear to be a tattle-tail so I waited to see if she would bring it up...and I waited...and I waited. Then I tried to ask a few generic questions that might open the lines of communication including:

"Are there any boys on your bus that have a crush on you?"
"Who do you normally sit by on the bus?"

Nothing. Zip. Nada.

So I finally decided today while Megan was home sick, I'd just ask her about it.

Me: Megan, can I ask you about something?
Megan: Sure.
Me: I heard that there is a boy on your bus that was saying some things to you.
Megan:...
Me(stammering): You know, like um, things like, "I want to have (gulp) sex with you".
Megan: Uh huh. And he was saying other stuff to me, too.
Me: Really? Like what?
Megan: Um, things like, "You are pretty".
Me: Oh. How did he start saying those things?
Megan: We were playing telephone on the bus and he just started saying things like that.
Me: Why do you think he was saying that?
Megan: I don't know. Maybe because he's weird.
Me: Do you think he knows what it means to "have sex"?
Megan: I don't know.
Me: Do you know what it means to "have sex"?
Megan: No.
Me: Do you want to know?
Megan: No.
Me:Um, okay- well now that you are getting a bit older, I can tell you what it means if you are interested. I mean, when you get a bit older, there will come a time when you will want to know what it means and you can always ask me about it.
Megan: Huh?
Me: Well, um-I'm not sure if the boy knows what it means but when people are older, they use the words "have sex" to talk about how to make babies.
Megan: Eww. Gross.
Me: Do you want to hear more about that?
Megan: Um, no.
Me (backing out of the room slowly): Okay then, well just let me know if you want more details on that and we can talk about it.

That conversation certainly surpassed my expectations. It was even MORE awkward than I ever anticipated!

Friday, January 22, 2010

George the Disco Dog

We have a new member of our family. Back in late October, we brought home our newest addition, George.

Here is what he looked like when we brought him home.


And after a few months of having him around, he looks like this:


As he's grown, he's developed some, um... tendencies. Let me put it this way, sometimes he has an unnatural "attachment" to pillows. He loves them. And when I say he loves them, I mean he kind of uh, makes love to them. I had hoped when we got him neutered that it would have helped but no such luck.

The other day we had a my in-laws over and we were at the table eating dinner. All of a sudden Jack yells out, "Look at George! He's dancing!"

I wouldn't exactly call what he was doing "dancing" but Jack didn't seem to know the difference. Jack proceeded to call out to George, "Go George go!"

At this point, all of the adults in the room were practically peeing our pants laughing as Jack continued, "George is a disco dog!"

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Jinx!

One of the newer (well, newer to my kids) phrases is "Jinx". Whenever they both say the same word at the same time, one of them yells, "Jinx!". Then they can't say anything else until someone says their name.

But crafty little Jack recently put a new spin on the game of Jinx. I overheard Megan and Jack having a conversation the other day and when they both said the same word, Megan yelled, "Jinx!" Jack paused for a moment, turned to Megan and said, "You can't Jinx me. I have Jinx insurance!"

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Ish

"Ish" is the new word around here. It has become a normal part of Megan's vocabulary.

She uses ish as in, " (informal) In an unspecified state; somewhat; reasonably, fairly; about, approximately; (colloquial) Adds -ish to the object of the questionen.wiktionary.org/wiki/ish

Or like this morning, she came down fully dressed.
Me: Hey! You're all dressed and ready, huh?
Megan: Ish.

Friday, January 15, 2010

I think I might need to have a talk with the person who schedules the school field trips

Megan went on a field trip the other day with her class. After school, I asked her, "So, how was your field trip?"

She shrugged her shoulders and said, "It was okay I guess...I got to smell an onion."

??? What do I say about that? I mean, really. When the highlight of a field trip is smelling an onion, it's got to be boring!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

The kid must have the hearing of a dog

The other night when I was putting Jack to bed, he was pretending to fall down and roll around on the ground. After about the third time, he stopped and looked at me and said, "I just fell on The Situation."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well," he said. "Sometimes when people have big muscles they call that The Situation."

I immediately started to laugh because my son, my six year old son, was referencing Jersey Shore!!!

"How do you know about The Situation?" I questioned him because I know he's never actually seen the show. (Although I on the other hand can't stop watching it because it's like a slow-motion car crash).

"I overheard you talking to someone about it. You were saying people on the show have nicknames like Sweetheart and that the muscles are called The Situation."

I swear the kid must have the hearing of a dog!

Monday, January 11, 2010

The not-so-much-of-a-bucket-list


Um, yeah... so here's the thing. Megan may look more like Jay, but when it comes to organization and over-use of quotation marks, she's definitely got my DNA floating around in her.

I saw this on the counter this morning. It's what I would consider to be her not-so-much-of-a-bucket-list (seeing as she's attempting to get these items done by 8:00 PM).

The list consists of the following items:
1) Have breakfast
2) Watch "Nacho Libre"
3) Start "math poems"
4) Start "P.O.W."
5) Have snack
6) Read
7) Get dressed
8) Do page 156 in your Brain Quest workbook
9) Make something in art room
10) Clean room
11) Clean art room
12) Go outside and build snow fort
13) Change calendar and get calendar updated
14) Try to finish "changing door plate"
15) Have snack

Saturday, January 9, 2010

That Sucks!

As Megan gets older, she's hearing more "colorful" language. Last year, she came to us and asked if she could add the word hate to her vocabulary. Well, she's asked again. The word of choice? Sucks. She asked permission to be able to say "sucks". We actually had a lengthy discussion about it this morning.

Me: Hey Megan, why don't you ask your dad about that word you want to say?
Jay: What word is that?
Megan (hesitating): Well, um... I can't say the word!
Me: I give you permission to say the word once so you can ask if you can say it.
Megan (hesitating): Well, um...uh...
Me: If you can't bring yourself to ask to say it, then you probably aren't old enough.
Megan came closer and fidgeted around a bit.
Megan: Uh, lots of people say things like, "That sucks."
After a bit more awkward conversation about it...
Jay: It's all about where you say the word. For example, take the word poop. Never have I used the word poop at work.
Me: I'm going to say the same thing to you as we said when you asked to say the word hate. If you are mature enough to say the word in the right context, then I think it's fine. Let me give you a few examples and you tell me if "That sucks" is an appropriate response.
Megan:...(rolling her eyes)
Me: Your teacher gives you a lot of homework. You say....?
Megan: No!
Me: You are on the playground with your friends and one of them is taking too long on the swings. You say...?
Megan: Yes?...Maybe????
Me: It's fine. Your mom cooks a great dinner. You say...?
Megan: No!
Jay: Your mom cooks a crappy dinner?
Megan: Still no!
Jay: Right answer.
Me: So I think you've got the idea. It's fine.
Megan (visibly excited to have added a new word to her vocabulary): Okay!
Jay: But you can always use sucks after the word Packers.
Megan: Okay!
As Megan ran off to watch some TV and bask in the glory of her victory, I called after her, "See! Now that conversation didn't suck!"