Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010 year in review- Megan edition

Here are my favorite Megan tweets from 2010.

Classic from Megan: "I can skateboard...ish."

Words of advice from Megan: If you're gonna be a criminal, you need to be a *smart* criminal.

Megan: Can we move? Me: Where do you think you'd want to move? Megan: Wheretheheckistan Me: ???

Megan to Jay last night, "I've seen pictures of you with are doing just fine without it."

Now I know why Megan doesn't have crushes, yet. She's describing boys in her class w/ words like "eraser-eater" "mold-grower" and "smelly".

Megan's comment after I got done telling her the dog ate poo and  vomited it back up..."Really? Um, what's for dinner?" What the...

Listening to Megan's iPod. Me: Uh, is this song Detroit Rock City??? Megan: What's wrong with having a little KISS on my iPod? (She's 8)

Morning discussion on climate vs. weather. Megan:But how do you determine the average? By the mean, median, or the mode? (Again...she's 8!!)

Megan: I'm bored.Me: Well, your brother just started watching a movie about an Alaskan sled dog if you want to wat...Megan:LAME!!! Me:*sigh*

Megan told me this morning she's decided on the name for her future-band, G.S.A. (Godzilla Strikes Again).

Me dropping the back of Megan's earring + Me suggesting using a pencil eraser instead=Megan wailing"I don't wanna wear an eraser in my ear!"

Apparently Megan didn't enjoy the sandwich Jay brought home forher. Here's the note she left.

Jay(re:new babysitter): Her parents want to meet us. Megan: Why? Jay: Just tomake sure we aren't creeps. Megan :Then maybe we should get rid of the ugly tile in the kitchen.

Megan discussing a movie she watched: Well, it wasn't that scary. It just wasn't that pleasant.

Me:Megan, have you been tickling the ivories? Megan: What does that mean? Me: It means playing the piano. Megan: Don't ever use that phrase again.

Megan: Next year, in student council, I want to have a job with a lot of power...and where I can argue...I'm a good at arguing.

Megan: Jack told Dad he wanted to play the violin or the flute and Dad said no way...he basically crushed his dreams.

Me: Do you need some glow sticks for your party? Megan: No! Glow sticks are for babies. We just run around hoping we don't bump into each other.

Megan: Mom, why are you soooo white? You are either white...or red. (Aaaand there you have it- she was put on this planet to humble me.)

Megan & Jack arguing about Meg breaking his Lego set. Meg: Yeah, yeah it's all my fault. Jack:Don't be sarcastic! Meg:My life IS sarcasm...

Hour 2 of today's drive- Jack is claiming Megan said the word ass. Megan is mad because a) she said axe, not ass and b) Jack said ass.

Watched So You Think You Can Dance finale with Megan. Her reaction to winner was, "I think I just had a combination of WHAT?!? And WHY?!?"

Jay asked Megan how she liked the babysitter's driving. Her response? "She drives like you...but without the screaming."

Me: did you finish your math homework? Megan: I know the answer but I still need to write the extended response. (Yeah, she said that).

Jack was talking about his friend who has the "old #9 Bears football card". Megan turned and said, "The punky QB???"

Trying on clothes with Megan. According to her, "Things with glitter on them are totally against my policy."

Jay putting Megan to bed. Jay: I love you. Silence. Jay: How bout I like you? Silence. Jay: I tolerate you? Meg: Yeah. Let's go with that.

Me to Megan after seeing her huge bowl of cereal: Wow! That's a lot of cereal! Megan: Well, I'm a lot of hungry. Me: Fair enough.

2010 in review- Jack edition

Here is the list of my favorite tweets that had to do with Jack.

Jack's wearing a hooded sweatshirt backwards. Megan: what's up w/ your shirt? Jack(enthusiastically): It's a Snuggie!!

Jack made a few changes to his usual McDonalds order then declared, "in 2010 there is going to be a lot of changes for me."

Jack just asked if a guy was Don Knotts. When we looked, he said, "Made ya look!!!" (He's 6-how does he know who Don Knotts even is???)

Jack this morning: It took me too long to come downstairs because I had the longest pee in history and then George wanted some loving.

Jack said the dog came over and sat beside him and said, "Jack, my life is hard." Jack's reply: I told him my life is hard too.

My heart is breaking. Jack just asked Megan, "Do you wish you had a life without me?"

According to Jack, this is what Plumbers look like when they are fixing the sink.

While lounging on a chair, Jack just told me, "Getting up is sooooo last year."

Jack after coming back from the bathroom: I took a sixty. Me: What's a sixty? Jack: It's a reeeaaalllyyy long pee.

Words of wisdom by Jack. After looking at Jack's report card Jay asked: Why do you think you did so well? Jack: By being cool.

Talking about take your kids to work day and Jack turns to me, "I'm not sayin' *your* job is boring, but for a kid, it's probably boring."

Jack:When I grow up,I'm going to have lots of jobs & then I'm going to quit them.Then I will sing a song called,"It's none of your beeswax."

Me:You should write down lyrics to your songs. Jack:I just got another song idea. Me:What? Jack:It's a song called"stop telling me lyrics".

Jack: I'm not saying this to be mean, but uh...intelligent adults should be smart enough not to argue.

Jack after showing me his Lego creation that "cuts people in half":Mom, I know what you are thinking.I've taken it a bit too far this time.

Jack:I love George. He's a little good, a little bad, a little snuggly, and a little mean. He's the perfect dog!

Jack:You should wear make-up when you want to get a boyfriend.Then they see you and say,"Oooh, I've gotta date her!That's what I'd say."

Jack: On bikes, you actually need a helmet. On a scooter, they are more of an accessory.

Jack: Mom, you used to be bossy like Dad but when I was a baby in your tummy, I moved the veins of your heart to make you nicer.

Jack to his Karate teacher:I know a stance you haven't taught us yet (does Karate Kid move)...It's for kicking people in the face.

Jack after waiting a minute for Megan at the park: Can't you just ditch her? Just ditch her Mom.

Jack just took a bowl from the dishwasher and informed me,"This bowl is hot! Not sexy hot, just hot." Then Jack went on to say,"You should only have crushes on girls who are sexy hot. That's the best crush you can get. The sexy hot kind."

Jack: When I get old my rock n roll nickname will be Flaming Cut in Half Herron…actually Flaming Falcon. It's easier to remember.

Put Jack to bed tonight and I noticed he was wearing 2 pairs of underwear."I didn't have time to change this morning so I had to double it."

Jack:My favorite word is rad. My 2nd favorite is mathematical, and my 3rd favorite is shmowzow.Me:What's shmowzow?Jack:Dunno. Look it up.

At swim store and Jack keeps calling speedos 'water undies'.

Out of the blue Jack comes over to me and says

"I'm gonna give u some advice. Never trust anyone w/ a monocle."Alright then…

I'm not sure what to make of this but Jack just told me his "safe word" is butter-nut.

According to Jack, the Revolutionary War was "stupid" because they "should have just worked it out."

Enjoying listening to Jay explain Rocky Mountain oysters to the kids."Do U know what nuts are?" Jack: Is it the pink thing hanging under?

Jack pointing at cigars: Can I get one of those? Me:What are you going to do with it? Jack: I'm going to use it for its purpose!

Me: Jack where do you want your noodles? Jack: In my mouth.  (Whatever smarty pants)

Picture day today. Jack: I'm going to brush my teeth real good so I don't have bugs and dirt on them. And I don't want to get suspended.

Jack: I'm not scared of anything...except clowns...and monster babies.

Putting Jack to bed he cries out: Manhug! Jay: How do you feel about that? Jack: 50% awesome 50% lame.
Playing I Spy. Can't find Jack's. Jack: This is probably one of the worst performances of my career and you guys can't get it.

Megan playing around on the treadmill and I told her it's not a toy. Jack came to her defense and said, "She just wants to get worked out!"

Jack got serious air on a hill while going over a bump sledding today and proclaimed, "Today I broke an impossibility. I flew."